Twokinds ARCHIVE Forums

{ENTITY #489 BETA 5}
{CODENAME: YASH}
*EXPERIMENTAL UNIT*

2 Standard forms, 2 hidden forms

Solid—(Human based form)
-I need not sleep or eat(Both forms)
-I can take damage from and deal damage to anything in this form
-I can bend the lightrays around me to turn invisible.(Both forms)
-I can heal other peoples wounds in this form.(Not sicknesses)
-All my attacks are light based, and pierce darkness.

[i]This is the form I take on when I need to interact with things, or to stay normal. I have to use this form if I need to fight..
I take damage from every kind of attack in this form. Though it is my “normalâ€

Hey, this'll do good for my RP! Here's mine...

Name: Leon Spearman
Age: 23
Height: 6'2''
Weight: 172 lbs.
Sex: Male
Race: Cerinean

Profile: Leon is a youth of noble birth. He was born 12 hours at noon after his brother, Lance. He always was a kind persin with a good heart, despite the short temper he got from his mother. He, throughout his life, had always trained to become a demon slayer, depending if the demon is hostile to his people in anyway. The first demon he encountered was Kitsune when he was 12. He fought her, but lost. He has the powers of Light infested within his body. He never abandoned anyone for power or lust. He can get lost in thought and seem like an enigma just staring at you.

He doesn't hold any grudges toward anyone. When he turned 13, he went berserk every full moon. He always didn't remember what he had done, but when he saw the casualties he nearly killed himself by falling off a cliff. Everyone thought of him dead. When he returned he decided that he wouldn't do foolish things like that again. By the time he was 16 he recieved his first real sword from his father. He trained under a swordmaster when he became 18, hoping to become the sucessor of that famed swordmaster. By the time he was 20 he started to have terrible dreams of the world coming to its end by a shadowy dog like figure.

He thought of it as a reading of the future, and hopes that it never came.
When he became 23 he decided to live the life of a warrior, one of the saviors and protectors of the planet. This is when his title of a swordmaster has spread throughout the world. His never ending charm never ceased to get to the women.

An excellent biography in my opinion.
You share the same goals as I do, making you my best ally.

RPwise, I will help you in anyway possible, especially when full moons are about.

okay heres mine!

Name: lay-lanie
age:17
race:?human?
gender:female

personality: she tries to do her best in hard situation. she fights hard for the ones she loves, but tries to show no emotion. unfortunatly it doesn't work. some times the line between light and dark are too hard to define for her, but her intentions are always good.

she is officialy on her own, since her family is no longer alive. (but you'll haffta read why in the cerinian chronicles) she is a roamer in cerinia curently, but is always trying to find a new home.

Though your biographies are very interesting, I originally started this topic so that I may recieve contructive critisism about my own entity.

Though I will give out constructive critisism myself.

Bakurasbabe, you may want to write a bit more for yours, it seems a bit short.

Name: Lance Spearman
Age: 23
Height: 6'3
Weight: 174lbs
Gender: Male
Race: Cerinean

Lance Is Leon's older brother. The planet Cerinea's fox region prince, born 12 hours before Leon at midnight. Kind, but if he thinks you are able to accomplish something yourself, he won't help. He's calm, patient, and works pretty well under stress. He had no life goal and his only motive for doing anything is "Because I can." He's sort of the opposite of Leon, but he still has a kind heart.
Tends to keep to himself and never speaks unless he feels he should. When Leon was off fighting Kitsune and lost Lance later comfronted and befriended her. Ever since then she's never fought with Leon. Has dark, lightning, and ice powers but prefers to use them for good.

Will hold a grudge if you harm anyone he cares for. When he turned 13 he'd fought off Leon when he had gone berzerk. when Leon hadthrown himself off a cliff He was devastated. He dismissed him as dead until a day later. when he sensed his life force still intact. Lance recieved his first weopon when he was 15... a spear. He went on a journey to find the most powerful spear but to no avail. He is still on this journey today but isn't as determined as he used to be.

He's a pretty good knowledge of mechanics. It was his major in college. Some people say that his teacher moved in with him at his castle...

Lance, you have a more complete biography, but you should list more about your offensive and defensive capabilities.

RPwise, I will not be able to heal you because of your dark powers. (If you become my ally)

It does not look like anyone has even bothered to read any of my posts here.
I have read and provided constrctive critisism for your biographies, and all I ask is that you do the same for me.

I've worked on this character for a long time but I've changed him so much that I've had to rewrite his bio several times. This bio I came up with in maybe twenty minutes. I'm working on background for him but I don't know when it'll be finished. This bio contains some basic information about Fox's physical features, personality, and the kinds of clothes he wears.
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Character: Fox White - Here's what he looks like.

Fox White, also known as White Fox and Snowy Fox, is a seventeen year old arctic fox who’s only goal in life is to help others when help is needed. His fur and head-fur are both snow white in color. His peaceful and gentle eyes are a beautiful shade of dark blue (most people get a feeling of serenity when they stare into them.) He stands at a height of 5'10" and weighs roughly 165 pounds, which is mostly muscle. He is very shy and quiet around people that he doesn't know very well but opens up if one talks to him often. He spends most of his days practicing with his twin rapiers, Michael and Gabriel, so that he may protect those who need to be protected. He spends his nights reading, writing, and drawing in attempt to sharpen his mental abilities. He hates fighting and will do anything to avoid it but if a loved one's life is threatened he is quick to draw his swords and defend that person with his own life.
Fox can be seen wearing dark blue and black shirts, pants, and during most of the fall and winter seasons. He also wears a long piece of dark blue cloth that he wraps around most of his torso. This cloth can be used to conceal several small items. During the hot days of summer and spring he doesn't wear clothing because his fur makes him hot enough, unless, he is going to town. He keeps a white shirt and pants in a backpack he wears during all four seasons.
Not much about Fox is known since he came to this part of the world (or to this world, either one depending on the setting.) but since he has come here he has helped everyone he could and is known by many. Not everyone likes Fox, of course. There are those who see him as a threat.

Note: Fox is more of a neutral power.
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I had some comments on everyone's character sheets but my computer crashed and I don't remember what I said for a couple of them.

Yash, I already commented on your character so I assume I don't need to comment again, although, I will comment again if you'd like me to.

ok, a couple things I'd like to say, I went to say them before, but decided against it, because they were a bit rude, but you want criticisim, you got it. I would say alot of this is basicly what most would consider god moding, I understand you provided weaknesses, but the strengths are just too much greater, being entirely unharmable in light form, but being able to harm darkness, being that many evil enemies would be considered dark, that makes you able to defeat them without ever even getting a scratch. too powerful if you ask me. and emergency mode, that basicly makes you unkillable, and completely healing everyone is pretty powerful, and blinding them too, and dark form I sort of understand, but being that you stressed very powerful, and very defensive... I'd simply have to say you made yourself too powerful, I'd post about my character here, but i'm not sure I want to, since that wasn't what this thread was for... I realize this is rude, and I didn't want to say it, but it is critisism, and you wanted it, no one else was providing, so I did. I'm sorry, but this is just my opinion, feel free to completely ignore me, it happens often enough, i'm used to it. about most of the people who posted here... what about physical apperance?!?! Are you all just formless? what color hair, what color eyes, what kind of clothes do you often wear, what color clothes most often, what color skin/fur?! *sighs* so we know how you act, and such, but how do you look?

Heres mine:

Name: Balmung
Age: 321 (300 years with hell, 21 as human)
Abiltiy: Use of dark fire, black fire, white fire and teleportation.
Techs: Hellfire, Heaven's Fury
Transformations: only during Heavens Fury does Balmung transform. His right arm turns black and demonic while his left a white glove appears. also he gains wings, an angelic wing on his right side, and a demonic wing on his left. he also gains some new abilities during this time but once this tech is done everything except for the physical changes go away. if he does not use Heavens Fury for 10 minutes then, the changes go away.

Profile:go to ceriniean chronicles and look for Balmungs history. it's either on page 6 or 7. im just too lazy to rewrite the whole frigging thing.

Most critisism will seem a bit rude, but will always help.
Thank you for the crtisism Bakurasbabe, I needed it. My entity is not completed yet, so I have turned to other users such as you for ideas and critisism.

Allow me to break down and answer some of your critisism..

Before we begin, remember that I was created to fight darkness and evil, not everything else. If I fight with someone who is not dark based, I will be forced to use my vulnerable solid form, as my light form will have no effect on anything but dark-nased beings. Evil and dark are two different things.

Emergency mode can only work if my dark form was triggered first,(which is almost impossible to do, simply damaging me in my solid form is not a reason)
Also, the explosion heals my enemies too, it doesn't matter who or what you are. (Although I will remove the blinding effect)

While I may be strong offensively and defensively during my dark form, I have lost all my abilities to fly, turn invisible, and am now vulnerable to everything.

Go ahead and post your character Bakurasbabe, I have already recieved the critisism I needed. Do not worry about what you spoke being rude, it is not. Instead, it has helped me.


Did any of you like the music that describes my forms?

Name: Iruga aka Dragon king
Age: unkown
Favorite tch: Z Blade
Transformation: He can transform into a half dragon. He can also have wings or a claw and cetain parts at certain times.
type: unkown for now


ooc: i'll come up with more later

Name: Blaze MoonShadow
Age: 19
Height: 4'8''
Weight: 136 lbs.
Sex: Male
Race: Kyrian(Half Demon)
Profile: He came from Fire Nation, he is known as a traitor because others who disagreed with with Fire Nation's veiws stayed and rebeled, while Blaze just ran away. He has the power of fire, as most Kyrians from Fire Nation do, and he has learned to make potions, and do alchemy over his years away from his homeland. He was cursed at one point, and now has a demon inside him, aching to get out. Dispite his dark counterpart, he himself does good, he will not kill any innocents on purpose, and does all he can to help people in need. When his dark side gets out, he sees all it does, and silently crys for lives it destroys. When he isn't having fun with friends, and such, he sells his potions, and a few other things he finds or makes, but when that gets boring, he'd find someone to mimic for entertainment. He never knew his family, he can't remember anything before he was 5, and he was always on his own. When he was young, he would steal, but he quickly learned it was wrong, developing a strong sesne of right, he quit stealing, and joined the Fire Temple to learn to control his growing power of fire. He got flamulation, fire marks, which helped him control his fires, and made them stronger, he trained as a monk at the temple, learning pyromachy, the use of fire in combat. When he was 13, he overheard the Preist of Fire disscussing plans with Fire Nation's leader for conquering the other nations of Kyria, and he fled the land in fear, he didn't want any part of such things. He later heard word all other Kyrian nations had been conquered by Fire Nation, and the entire continent of Kyria was renamed Fire Continent. He felt bad he hadn't stayed to help the rebels, but he feared going back. He needed to find a profession, he couldn't live without money, so he learned to make potions, and do alchemy, and became a great merchant, even learning one of the greatest merchant secrets of the "Rift". The rift could store almost an infinate amount of items, of any size, and no one but the person who's rift it was could access it, and anything put into the rift would be frozen in that exact moment, so any food or anything put in wouldn't spoil or go bad. So he lived for a 3 years, as a merchant selling his goods in the capitol, sometimes mimicing people when he got bored. But he became bored, and became a wandering merchant, setting up shop in what ever towns he came to. Until that day he met Leon, and joined hs team. He still sold and bought things often when they were in markets, but having friends to talk to was much more fun that being alone, and mimicing people occasionally for fun.

Apperance: He has straight, shoulder length, Mad Green hair, and moon yellow eyes. He looks human for the most part, with light skin, except he has white wolflike ears and tail. He is a Kyrian of the fire element, from Fire Nation, although he is ashamed of it. He normally wears a T-shirt, with an overshirt, and somewhat loose pants, all generally black, although he sometmes will wear red. He also wears a bandana on his head, and he is almost always barepawed/barefooted(I've been barepawed IC since I found http://www.freepaws.org/ ), and he always wears his necklace, it has a silver clasp, and what looks like a ruby, although it seems to have some occult power.

This is just my opinion... I think you have too many forms... I'd prefer two or three...

Questions: 1. How can anyone actually kill you? 2. Do they have to beat you before you do your emergency technique or something? 3. Another thing... when you actually use it you heal anything and everything in the area right? Would that be any light person or thing in the area?

i like your light forms, and the one hidden form is okay, but two seems to much. i don't know, but i don't do rp charactors very often, only help as a muse.