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A small sample of what I'm currently working on.
I'd appreciate honest feedback!


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Chapter 1
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Crows rising up to the clouded night sky. A pale moon shining down on the leafless forest. A lone man trudging through the snow.

Weary of his long travel, Zcale reposed himself against the tree. Panting, his deep breaths were visible in the cold air. His long grey hair hung loosely down, his partly bald scalp showing his age.

Eerie howls resounded through the night. Throwing a pankicked look at the direction of the howls, the man rushed forward with renewed vigor. Trudging and stumbling through the snow, he made his way through the lone forest.

Opening his satchel while he ket moving on, Zcale retrieved a small pouch. Clutching the valuable prize to his chest, he discarded the burdensome satchel. The satchel was quickly stuffed inside his tunic.

Renewed howls made the fleeing man aware that his persuants were gaining. Suppressing a shudder, the old man recognised an old gnarled oak and realised that he was close to safety.

A low growl was the only warning he got. Grunting and rolling with the blow was the only thing that he could do when the gray furred shape landed on him. Snarling the wolf was biting and pulling on Zcale's cloak. Using his trained reflexes, he lost no time in cutting loose his worn cloak and threw it over the canine. Caught up in the cloak, the only thing the wolf could do was bite in vain and the heavy cloth.

Fear for his prize giving him wings, he dashed through the snow. Small clumps flew up, leaving an easy trail to follow.
Growls around him and shadows flitting about the pristine snow, Zcale knew he was in trouble.

Without breaking stride he drew his sword from the scabbard. He made forward roll when another grey blur jumped for him, his old muscels straining. Making a backwards swipe, metal bit in flesh and a yelp followed.

Straight ahead, he saw the lights of what he knew to be the fortified inn. Elation coursed through him. "Safety", he thought. His hope was swept away when his feet were also swept away.
Grunting when he fell on the hard snow. A wolf was biting and tugging on his left boot. Feeling the teeth already in his flesh, Zcale was quick to start kicking the wolf.
Two other wolves started to circle the two fighting forms. Zcale jabbed with the sword and felt satisfaction as hit blade took out an eye of the wolf.
Now free, he rolled away. Zcale rose to face the three wolves. Glancing over his shoulder, he counted the distance.
Too far. Growls and howls around him told him that he would soon have even more to deal with.

Very cool stuff so far. Some nice imagery, a curious beginning. You've done the most important thing in an intro, and that's get a reader's attention. Now jerk back on the hook and reel us in.

A few tidbits that you might want to work on. First off is the character's name, Zcale. How is this pronounced? Generally I try to stick with names that I can say aloud without confusion. That way it won't act as a momentum-killer as the story progresses. You can probably get away without changing it, if the pronunciation is simple and you make a note of it somewhere early in the story.

That, and starting sentences with a preposition isn't something I'm a fan of. "Running as fast as he could, Billy tried to..." sentences don't pop up in regular conversation. They sound writerly rather than natural. Might tweak those too.

Otherwise, I like! Very concise, you've got the gristle cut off already. Rock on for part two!

I've had people comment on the name before, but it's part of the story actually.

If you want to practise pronouncing it, you read it same as 'zekael'.

Thanks for the feedback, i'll try and mind it in the next part.

Oh, kind of like Ezekiel without the first "e."

(Not too many comments for the storyboarders this week, :P)

Yup. but Also with an A instead of the I. :D

Or if you want a convulted way of explaining.

Z+ Kael (as in the first part of Kael'thas (World of warcraft)