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The year is 2142
and the dawn of a new Ice age has thrown the world into a panic. The soil not covered by ice can only feed a fraction of the Earth's population. The math is simple and brutal: some will live, most will die.

In Battlefield 2142™, soldiers choose to fight for one of two military superpowers - the European Union or the newly formed Pan Asian Coalition -in an epic battle for survival.
Armed with a devastating arsenal of hi-tech weaponry, including assault rifles, cloaking devices and sentry guns, soldiers take control of the most lethal vehicles known to man. Massive Battle Walkers wage fierce combat on the ground, while futuristic aircraft rule the skies. When taking on this futuristic armor soldiers use their wits and an arsenal of new hi-tech countermeasures like EMP grenades and smart mines to level the playing field.

But….That’s not you, you are part of the UASF, The United American Security Forces. Stuck in the far frozen north of what was once New York city, on guard duty, watching for nomadic raiders. You and your squad look for supplies and equipment as you try to find your way back to base. You’re cold and lost, and getting shot at from time to time. O and did I mention the wolves, yah there’s wolves too. So who’s got the map…O, that’s right…your squad leader had it with him when he was crushed under several tons of falling ice…anyone got a plan?

Welcome to the first (that I know of) Comedy Survival Rp. Trying not to die has never been this much fun.

Pick from one of four solider kits and use your wits and sarcasm to get back to base for a thorough chewing out from your CO.

War is Hell...

Name:
Gender (it’s the 22nd century, women can shoot people too)
age (no you can’t be younger than 18, and if you are 18, you are the lowest there is)
Soldier Kit See Below
Good at (Something that your better than most people at doing)
Bad at (Something that your worse at than most other people)
Appearance: (Other than the standard issue winter camo, helmet and backpack)
Bio (what you did before being drafted, yes drafted, or your life in the military)

Soldier Kits

Each kit is set up for a certain role.

Assault: The front line grunt, given a stock assault rifle and a med kit for when he take that bullet for his buddy. Trained with command experience and battle field tactics they are the one to lead everyone into the fray, and usually the first to get shot.
SoldierAndWeapon

Engineer: Basically the anti-vehicle guy in the squad, he gets the laser guided rocket launcher, no you may not touch it. Also equipped with close range SMG and several mechanical repair tools just in case you do find soothing worth driving around in the frozen wasteland.
SoldierAnd Weapon

Support: Who doesn’t need it. These are the guys giving you cover fire, they shoot but don’t aim. Who cares if they hit anything, there’s enough lead flying through the air that the who ever is behind that corner or under cover would have to be retarded to stick their head up. Equipped with the SAW light machine gun and universal ammo pack they keep the enemy distracted while you look for some ammo after you ran out shooting your name in the snow.
SoldierAnd Weapon

Recon: SNIPER!!, Er..I mean…the guy with the really cool rife. These soldiers are equipped with nothing less than a high powered sniper rifle, with 30X zoom scope. Yes nice, but what’s really cool is the little handheld device on their belt. Cloaking, yes active camouflage cloaking, up to 90% that is. But what they don’t tell you in the manual is it only lasts for a minute. Not to mention it makes a really annoying whining sound when it’s on.
SoldierAnd Weapon

In addition to normal weaponry everyone gets a standard issue pistol as a backup weapon.

And follow the simple Fourm rules please.

RuleBook

1.Forum Rules.
2.This RolePlay needs at least some literacy.(Just not too many One-Liners.)
3.Killing is going to happen
4.Follow the rules in this RuleBook.
5.No AutoAttacks or never being hit.
6.Everyone is on the same side, don't worry there will be enough stuff trying to kill you that you don't need to add.
7.Gun shots/stab wounds take time to heal, end of story.
8. Sense of humor required, and if you don't have one, sarcasm works just as well

All images courtesy of EA Games.

I'm interested, but I think I'll wait till more people join to post a character sheet

Name: Rick McDeathsteak.
Gender Manly McMan
Age :26
Soldier Kit :Engineer
Good at :Hitting things with a wrench, being utterly insane, and shooting things with the high caliber assault rifle he once built as a child.
Oh, and shooting with other guns, he's an okay marksman.
Bad at : Not being crazy, hitting on women, not being stupid(Goes with craziness) and eating.(He can't eat the militart rations cause he keeps putting them in horizontally and they won't fit in his mouth.)
Appearance: 7'5, he has a huge puffy neckbeard, and brown hair gelled permanently into an Elvis hairstyle. He has brown eyes and he normally wears two monocles that he uses as glasses.
Bio: He used to have a medical condition(and still does) that made him insane, and occaisonally try to hurt people badly. He was found, however, building an entire car from scratch using toothpicks and nanochips(the car worked fine by the way) and was made into an Engineer in the army, so they could make him get some sense(he's still a bit crazy but now kill you in your sleep crazy.)

Do i work?

[This RP title FTW!]

Name:Dwayne "Blindsight" Sikunta
Gender:Male
age:19
Soldier Kit:Recon (XP)
Good at:Counter-Sniping and Stalking/Hunting. Team killing (HA! J/K)
Bad at:Parachuting,Cooking, and self-control.
Appearance:(Other than the standard issue winter camo, helmet and backpack.)http://www.banzai-clan.net/banzaisigs/sniper.png

But hates wearing the helmet when it isn't needed so most other times he wears a Balaclava (sp?) with a Beanie or Bandanna.[Cuz he's a badass.]
Bio:Born into a low class family in Southwest Illinois his fight with being recognized was ongoing. He needed to make a name of himself and his family, upon these hard times at the age of 19 he would volunteer for Armed services if it meant that it would help save him and his starving loved ones. Administered into a basic rifleman program he surpassed all others, scoring the highest marks. Though missing one eye due to a scrap with his father, his ability to recon and support is very reliable.

With a slight fear of heights, he usually takes his chances in wooded areas and buildings that have good cover yet don't have him walking around hundreds of feet up. Though if need be he'll use whatever there is to insure a kill. His lust for perfect shots dampers his field of vision and his logic in some situations. Not to mention one of the more rebellious soldiers in his outfit.

Also with food running out his choice of food is unlimited, even being one of the few to steal the Brick hard K-Rations and enjoy them.

[I concur]

Name: Corporal Gary 'Blue62' Williams (part of the character, honest)
Gender: male
Age: 23
Soldier Kit: Assualt (the irony of its description fitting me so well)
Good at: planning an attack
Bad at: carrying out said plan, ducking when lead starts flying
Appearance: lost his issue helmet a long time ago, porked another off a dead sniper.... fierfek thing barely fits over his head.
Bio: Serving with a transport division since he enlisted (yes, he was stupid enough to volunteer into this hell-run army), he was only just transferred to the unit and hasn't had much time to meet every one- and if they touch any vehicles before he does, he'll slap them....with his glove....in the face.

Chaosye I gonna have to say being completely insane Rick wouldn't of lasted very long in the military, just try and cut back on the insanity like to a few separate insanities, also 7' 5"? Sharpshooters are going to have a field day.

HellhounD Very nice, Approved

Blue62. Looks like Gary's gonna need that medkit, Approved

Heh heh, yep, he probably will!

Name: Kari "Busty" Stockington
Gender: Female (obviously)
Age: 21
Soldier Kit: Support (oh yeah!), scope for SAW LMG.
Good at: Blind shooting, telling jokes, getting the attention of males whenever she wants.
Bad at: Distinguishing one guy from another (will often call guys by the wrong name), insulting people
Appearance: busty, tall (5'8"), beautiful, always wears her lucky necklace, has long blonde hair (she isn't dumb and if you call her dumb she WILL kill you, slowly and painfully)
Bio: Born into a middle class family, she grew up always being given crap about being blonde haired. Had a police record from age 14 when she nearly beat a guy to death after he called her a 'dumb blonde'. Such incidents occurred frequently, and after the 8th time she was offered a choice, join the military or serve 12 years in prison for 8 consecutive charges. She chose to join the military (obviously) as it was, in her eyes, alot easier and more fun than jail. And to her the best part is being able to kill anybody who gives her [censored] without needing to justify her actions.

So I'm accepted?
I know he is [censored] tall, I planned that.

And I said in the bio his psychotic condition was getting better due to being in the military.
He's still crazy.

Name: Cecilia Wren

Gender: Female

Age: 26

Soldier Kit: Recon

Good At: survivalism, helping others

Bad At: killing, helping myself

Bio:
I've become a survivalist geek. When it was evident that earth was entering a new ice age, I looked to books for inspiration. It's amazing what people can (and used to) eat. I've baked bread using flour made from both pine bark and thistle... Neither are actually good, but they're palatable enuf that everyone finished their slices when we ran out of wheat and rye bread. ((OOC: never actually tried either, I don't know if they're good))

Before I got drafted, things weren't going well in my life. I'd failed out of college, and my jobs had gotten progressively worse as I lost one after another for an assortment of reasons - all at least partially my fault. Somewhat unexpectedly, I am actually good at tracking others' lives. For instance, my little brother told me I was the only reason he graduated college. Once he got a good job, he started looking after me a bit. Much as it hurt my pride, once he started pestering me, I payed the bills on time and my electricity stopped getting cut off every few months. I think my problem with helping myself is in not looking to the future. For example, in college, my girlfriend liked massages, so I added a massage therapy class while I was still failing chem.

I'm building a green house from all the glass and clear plastic I can find. I'm planning on growing barley. They used to grow it in 100 days during the Canadian summer, so hopefully I can keep my greenhouse warm enuf to grow, in what now passes for summer. Maybe I can assure myself a prominent place in our future society by making beer :-D. I've never tried it before, but from what I've read it doesn't look too hard.

I think the only reason I've managed to get the green house mostly built is my love of beer. This may be the farthest into the future I've planned anything in my entire life. Heck, I failed out of college before I did enuf planning to decide on a major. I only even got in to college because my parents were there to heckle me into taking the SATs and applying. But the green house is going well so far.

Worse than lack of planning is my dread at killing people. Being in the military, and in this environment, I've obviously done it. I really hate it. Every time, I've hesitated for a moment too long - until something really bad happened and I didn't regret taking the shot. But wasn't the point of taking the shot to prevent something bad from happening? I'm aware how screwed up my moral compass is, and it bugs me - but I can't help it.

Appearance:
I'm scandinavian: 5'11", and very pale. I've been called slim, lanky, slight, and a waif - take your pick. I've got the stereotypical blonde hair and blue eyes. I used to do all sorts of interesting things to my hair, like spike it and dye the tips neon pink. But doing that now would take away time from insuring I have food. So I just keep it cropped short, at about 2 inches.

I got butterfly wings tattooed with iridescent dyes from shoulder to hip. I was drunk and prodded by friends, but decided they match my flighty nature. Later I got sleeves - my left arm has a faerie motif, my right is birds (mostly crows and raptors). With the weather since I've been drafted, I'm not sure who has seen any of it tho. Piercings: eyebrow, a bunch in both ears, navel, tongue, etc. They're mostly silver loops or bars.

Thoughts on the Current State of Affairs:
My biggest gripe about the change in weather is the lack of good beer, or mead of any sort. It's also put a real damper on the naturism community.

I actually like the diversity of food. While not everything is exactly mouthwatering, the variety is more to my liking than what we had before. I've gone a little hungry like everyone else, but so far it hasn't been so bad I couldn't distract myself. My favored distraction has been sewing fuzzy clothes from wolfskins. I started with a simple cloak, with a hood made from the wolf's head. More recently, I've been getting better at sewing. I put fur linings on everything, and started making more complex garments.

I don't know what it looks like from my target's perspective, but I suspect the white wolfskin cloak is a better gillie suit than that stupid "cloaking device". I still use the whiney active camo when taking a shot, but for any other purpose it's nigh useless.

Hell, I'll kill a man in a fair fight... or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight, or if he bothers me, or if there's a woman, or if I'm gettin' paid - mostly only when I'm gettin' paid.
-Jayne Cobb

(This thread’s name is so very full of win. I’m in!)

Name: Private Eli “Chuckles” Hesselberg

Gender: Male

age: 26

Soldier Kit: Assault

Good at: Murder, Combat, Tactics, Games, Jack-assery

Bad at: Restraint, Poetry, Civilian life, Survivalisim, Following rules, being serious

Appearance:
Six feet tall with a short crop of jet black hair and a prominent amount of barely subdued facial hair, Eli Hesselberg in a hulk of a man. It was suspected that there must have either been some Samoan or Swedish ancestry somewhere in his Jewish family tree because he is very, very big. Not just tall but broad in the shoulders and arms with some powerfully built legs. His skin is a light olive tan color and his eyes are a brilliant shade of green, something that also says something about a perhaps less than purely Jewish ancestry. He would have quite a bit of “rugged” charm if it was not for his nose, which has been broken on several occasions and never really healed, and his teeth, which are perpetually yellow from the cigarettes he smokes in his spare time.

In addition to his basic physical appearance, Eli has a bit of “additions” to his body, namely his scars and tattoos. His forearms are a maze of crisscrossing white scars that intersect and intertwine in complex spider web patterns. He also has a long and continuous tattoo of his arteries, beginning with the carotid at his neck and ending with the femoral at his feet. He thought it looked cool at the time and likes to imagine it has some amount of symbolism attached to it.

He doesn’t wear much besides the standard Army gear, except for his bracelet of dog tags (taken from men he’s killed in melee combat) and his custom made busse knife which dangles at his hips at all times.

Bio:
Eli was a man born eleven centuries too late. He would have made a Viking. If he only wasn’t Jewish.

Eli was born in Jerusalem to a military family and raised into a proper Jewish family. He had a loving mother, a caring father, and plenty of siblings. He was a clever boy, well, not so much clever as cunning. He always came out on top of his brothers, one way or another.

Eli was expected to join the Israeli military, like his father had, and his father’s father had, and in a unbroken line that spanned back generations. Eli wasn’t going to complain, he rather had his eyes set on Mossad anyway.

Unfortunately, his family had to emigrate away from Jerusalem with the death of Eli’s father and the changing climate of the world which made the middle east prime territory. Territory far to dangerous far a family without a provider. But Eli’s mother was a strong woman and won them access to another life. They were only able to get into the USA by the skin of their teeth
Eli still wanted to join the military and keep the traditions of his father alive. Perhaps the army and become a ranger. Unfortunately Eli soon fell in with the street gangs and the desperate teenagers of the streets. It was on the grubby streets of Texas that Eli killed his first man, a boy of seventeen, much like himself. Eli bludgeoned him to death with a rock in a gang turf war.

That struck a chord in Eli. It was something deep and primal. Unlike other people, who would shy away from the act of murder, Eli was unfazed. He didn’t like the process overmuch, but it wasn’t abhorrent either. Whether it was a product of his upbringing or just who Eli was is yet to be seen.

Eli was soon drafted into the army, where he was sent to fight on the front lines. He was a natural solider. Born to kill, his sergeant said. Born to die was more likely, his squadmates said. Eli fought with abandon, laughing nearly all the time (Where he earned his nickname) he was resourceful and deadly. He knew when to hide, and when to fight. When to sneak and when to charge. He soon rose to the ranks of sergeant.

Unfortunately, this was not to last for Eli. The lieutenant in charge of the regiment was a very poor commander and continually lost his men in fruitless attacks and failed ambushes. When he was found strangled to death in his tent, no one could prove it was Eli. But everyone suspected.

In truth they were secretly grateful, but Eli was given a mock trail, stripped of his rank, and sent to the wastes of New York. Presumably to die.

And that’s where we end the story.


Things you might not know about Eli:

He’s Jewish (he even has a Yamaka)

He is a fan of poetry (he fancy’s himself a warrior poet, but is quite a poor poet himself)

He’s quite a fan of games (any type really, but war simulations are his favorite)

Mother [censored] loves citrus fruits. He can’t get enough of them

He has the Art of War (Both Machiavelli’s and Sun Tsu’s) in his bunk, along with quite a few other texts

Secretly loves romance stories

Has killed a man with his teeth

Has a secret poetry jounal

(Gallow's humor, Awwwaaaayyyyyy!)

I'm going to have to salvage a proper battle-axe for this man's birthday. It's just too appropriate. :-)

Perhaps a helmet with horns on it as well.

And a book on Sweedish language :)

Optix Approved, and try not to go overboard on the whole getting attention thing, the bad guys will see you too

Gregarious approved, I like the wolf clothing thin, nice touch

Spiffman approved and love the back story.

Ill get the Rp set up in a day or two, still writing out the first scene, try not to bust a gut.

YAY
*does happy dance of approval*
YAY
Ok now that I've done that I can just say that I ain't going to overdo the getting attention thing, while in combat atleast.