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Just when you thought I had given up on it......an UPDATE!!

Morning found the sisters waiting with their newfound friends at the base of Blackstaff's tower. None of them slept very well, wondering what may ensue, so they had all gathered early to talk and wonder...and on the slight chance Blackstaff might see them early. They had talked themselves silent, and were now waiting.

This gave Telki plenty of time to muse about last night, and the unenlightening meeting with Paladinson. The rest of the evening had passed uneventfully, considering. Wemie's rendition of the Fahlnalla, the Spring Rains, was well received, and earned her three marriage proposals, six offers of employment (one which had to be carried out on a stretcher because of the nature of the job), and accolades from everyone.

This also made the evening meal interesting as well. Telki had a hard time keeping up with the different discussions at dinner. Why were they there? How did Huorn's favor enter the City at all? Where did Wemie learn to dance? Did Telki dance, too? Had they heard about the Drow incursions? and were they really here because of all the disappearances?

It literally made Telki's head swim. She almost ran to the private meeting chamber when Gideon called her back there to speak with Lord Paladinson. He already knew about the situations, and the meeting with Blackstaff. What a waste of time!

“Sir, do you know what it might be about?” Gideon was doing his best to get the reticent old Lord to talk. The infuriating lord just smiled at them. While the snow white mane and tall, firm stature spoke of duty and dignity, there was a sparkle in the brilliant blue eyes that mentioned mischief now and again. “I will tell you this: you are waiting for someone, and that will give you time to you desire to clear out those Drow camps. It needs doing, they will only continue to invade, harass, and kill until they are stopped. I think you and Gabriel would do just that. I understand we have offers from the Huornites and Mielikki rangers to help, as well.

Gideon was downright giddy the rest of the meeting. Suddenly, Telki had a new nickname for him.

“Well, such punctual guests, welcome to my abode.” Suddenly, there was a door where there wasn't before, and everyone filed through. Blackstaff himself greeted them as they passed through. Although his tower was naught but bare black stone outside, inside was vastly different. Wide windows gave sweeping views of the city and harbor. Sumptuous furniture in soothing hues invited them to sit and relax.

“I know why you are here, moreover, I know what needs to be done. More than a few of my students and friends were among the abducted.” Blackstaff paced in front of them. He waved his hand in front of one of the windows, and the view shifted to that of a piratical dressed drow at the helm of a very strange ship.....sailing amongst the stars? Telki felt her jaw drop, and Gideon's arm tighten.

“Her name is Feral. She is NOT a typical drow, and you will need her help and cooperation.” Blackstaff planted himself in front of Gideon. “Do I need to repeat what I just said?”

Nobody thinks anybody ever gives up on these things; everybody has to deal with writer's block or schedules or emergencies and the like.

Nice update. Is piratical a word? (according to Firefox, it is; though that doesn't change the fact that it should actually be piratically)

Nice update!

Hmmm...Sir Giddy...HAHA!! I wonder how he will react to that.

And a Drow on a flying ship? Well that is something you do not see everyday.

Nice update! Nice to see the twins are alright :D . But what about their mother and father :shock: ? Guess I will have to wait untill next time :wink: .



..

It's a short passage, so I just added to the bottom of this.
Yeah yeah, been a while. Took me forever to figure out how to continue from where I'd left off.


"Even with the best augmentations magic can give, it will still take her a month to reach us. I've already altered her flight. In that month, I want all your Drow business concluded. Understand?" Blackstaff felt the curtain of gloom even as it fell over the girls. He decided to end the audience quickly, so the girls could comfort each other in private. It was no easy thing to see someone loved carted off so ignomiously.

“It will be dealt with much quicker than that, I promise you.” Between Gideon's iron jaw, and Gabriel's icey eyes, Blackstaff had no doubts whatsoever, that those Drow would soon be joining the dearly departed. “Very well. Gibbon, I trust you and Orrin will stay here, and help with the preparations?”

“Oh, I'll stay, alright, but I think Orrin would best serve escorting these fair ladies about, don' ye think?” Gibbon quirked an eyebrow at Blackstaff, as if reminding him silently of something.

“But I think I could be of more use to you here.....” Orrin quickly interjected, at which an almost visible idea struck Blackstaff.

“No, I think your father is right. While the paladins are dealing with their duty to Paladinson, you would be most helpful in acquainting the ladies with Waterdeep, and making their wait palatable.”

“But...”

“It's settled boy, donna make a scene.”

“Yes,” A noticable pause then a grudging “sir.” Even Telki, as morose as she was, easily envisioned the sulky young child in Orrin's answer.
This was how a battle field should always look: tired but victorious knights congratulating each other on a good fight, few losses, and the field strewn with clean kills. Even now, the squires and knights still able were dragging the fallen into a huge pyre. It would not do to leave them for scavengers, even if they were Drow. No, a pyre blessed in Tyr's name was always the best revenge against the Spider Queen. Anything to irk that [censored].

“Better?” Gabriel pulled his warhorse in next to Gideon, and surveyed the field that had so captured his brother's musings.

“No. It didn't bring Justin back. As good as it would feel to put my mace through Lloth's skull, even that wouldn't bring him back. Dammit, I miss him.”

“I miss him, too.” Gabriel's brows drew down together, as a puzzling thought occurred to him.

“Spit it out, brother, before your brows knot.”

“How did you know to send a flanking contingent around that hill? It still puzzles me that you knew they were there.”

“It's how they caught Justin.” Gideon heaved a sigh, and folded his arms over the pommel. “I studied the site, wondering how they were able to take that village as fast as they did, considering they had both rangers and paladins to help defend it. They came at them from two sides.

“But we caught them camping!”

“Did you really think a mounted calvary was going to catch them unawares?” Gideon moved his horse on down into the field, still shaking his head at his brother.

Wow. Maybe it's just the cynic in me, but when I started reading I was hesitant at first. I'm not a big fan of medieval settings or really any fiction like Lord of the Rings, with orcs and all that jazz. But this was a damned fine installment in more ways than one.

First off, the language was wonderful. Your descripters never felt as if they were being redundant, they really added a third dimension to the world you've built, and I definitely want to read more just for the fun of it. One word of advice is to not overload your sentences during action scenes. Really any part of the story that needs to keep the readers on their toes, you want to be very picky as to when you add padding. I saw very little by the way of excess as the story progressed, but I'd whittle down a little of it around the first ten paragraphs. It's your introduction, and you do want to be detailed since this isn't a high-paced exposition (at first), but I'd be wary of too much detail.

The characters themselves, I loved. The one thing that surprised me the most was that for a story that has orcs, weretigers, humans, drow, etc etc... the names you use are very easy to understand. You don't name anyone Bal'kirkorgabl'nienezx the Horrible. And yet you don't name them Bill, or Ed. You've got some very solid skills in naming your characters exotic titles, but keeping them at a level that a reader wouldn't feel uncomfortable saying them in a sentence. The only one I winced at was "Lord Paladinson," which is very obviously a deviation from "paladin." I might consider playing with that one so it doesn't sound too obvious, but it's really up to you. Fantasy readers would probably pick that out very quickly nowadays, though.

One thing I noticed that you do often, and very readily is create setting. Dear lord, woman, you're making SETTING. I'm sorry, I don't usually get to see a lot of this when people ask me to give them critiques. The first thing I usually end up saying is "where are these people, what's surrounding them?" You nipped that in the bud immediately. The world is vast, multifaceted, and you can damned near smell that woody dampness in the forests. Your world is fleshed out to its fullest. Don't change a thing.

Little things you add, too, really improve the read. References to characters memories of things such as Bobbin birds from back home punch that feeling of nostalgia up a few notches while giving characters depth. This is something *I* struggle with. So I'm envying you here. Very awesome little skill you have in your pocket, :)

The only major complaint I have so far is the punctuation. Such as when characters hesitate in dialogue, you usually have something "like this,... when" it should look "more like... this." Kill those little commas, the ellipses takes their place every time.

Beyond that, I'm floored. If you really put some spit and polish into this, I don't see why you couldn't get this accepted by some fantasy publishers. There's not a lot by way of "furry" fantasy lit on the shelves, and right now, fantasy readers are pissing themselves looking for something other than "Frodo must destroy the Ring." Very kickass writing here, Wynni. I told this to Sable and now I'm telling you: You're a rock star.

^What he said. I can't really put it any better. Except, I do like fantasy, "or really any fiction like Lord of the Rings, with orcs and all that jazz."

Keep it up, ya?

^^ Glad I could be o' soyvice.

Woah! Didn't even realize that you've been updating the first post as you went. I was going to reread everything, and this makes things so much more convenient.

I'm pretty sure that you meant 'and' there. That's all I found wrong. I'm loving it so far. ∑:∂≤

(I've been meaning to read this all day; I've had it in a tab, but homework called.)