Twokinds ARCHIVE Forums

Heres a poem I wrote a while ago when I was feeling kinda depressed.

At times when the world is depressing,
and when the future just seems so bleak.
I give in to your soft carressing,
and the future I no longer seek.

When you hold me in your arms, it seems like forever,
and the world could just pass us by.
We could become as light as a feather,
and float off into the night sky.

When your soft lips touch mine, everything else fades,
and your image just fills my mind.
Your gaze can cut through the dark and the haze,
and our hearts just seem to bind.

Together we become one, one heart warms us both,
with your blood filling my veins and mine filling yours.
When we touched, we swore an everlasting oath,
and with that I'll become forever yours.

Yeah.... It sucks.

Somehow the last stanza puts the word 'vampire' into my mind.

Yeah it kinda does now that I read it again.

Your poem's okay for me, but I think you could have used a better rhyme scheme. This sort of easy rhythm is usually used for creating a happy or relaxed feeling, which I suspect is not what you want to achieve.

I think it's pretty good.

Thank you :D