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Just a test thought I'd write it and if you all liked it, I'd continue.

Prologue
The worlds races were divided by hatred and war! The mighty Kingdoms of Britonia and Midguard fought for gold and power over the old world of Terran. Forgetting there gods and lost in mindless greed only one thing holds the power to stop this war before we tore the very earth asunder...

Chapter I: The Dream of Paix
It was a cold dark night. The snow blanketing the rooftops of the old Britonian town, the only sound that could be heard were of snow crunching under heavy boots. Those boots belonging to a tall fellow found them selves outside of an old Inn door “The Crystal Inn”. The old mahogany door groaned as it opened as the man stepped into the Inn. Shaking the snow off his ragged and torn trench coat he walked over to the bar, taking off his hat he called the bartender over.

“I'll take a pint of your best ale and a nice cosy room for the night!”
The bartender proceeded to draw the flagon of ale.

Placing the slightly rusty key and flagon of the frothy brown brew in front of the man he placed out his hand and stared at the seeming vacant patron he frowned his bushy eyebrows and it a shrewd town voiced “That will be 20 gold pieces!”

Woken from his day dreaming he reached into one of his many coat pockets and pulled out a small leather pouch and dropped it in the barkeeps hands. After doing so he turned slowly inspected each of the Inn patrons and took his drink and key to his room.

After emptying the dregs of his tankard out of the window he layed back against the backboard of the bed and pulled out a dairy. The cover of the dairy was made from leather and delicately decorated with gold leaf forming the shape of a dragon. Flicking through the journal he found the page he was after and began to read aloud to himself.

“The dream told me to come to The Crystal Inn. If I do so and sleep in the Inn I will be blessed with the power to stop this war once and for all”, this he repeated to him self over and over till eventually he placed his leather hat over his face and he drifted off to sleep.

“You were wise to listen to my words”, the accent of the voice was thick and guttural “The answer you seek Kaltorin is within the walls of hell it self, a crystal called the Shard of Paix. This Crystal will give you the power to stop this war before it spirals out of control. Take this map Kaltorin... use it and find the crystal! For only a mortal can wield the power of the Crystal.”

Awaking his clothes damp from perspiration he raises his hand. There within his grasp was the map... the map to lead him to the Crystal. Shaking his head and arising from his bed he says in an almost inaudible whisper “So It wasn't just a dream... So my quest begins to stop this war.”

Okay, I guess. Could be better, but it works for now.

Any constructive critisism on how I could im prove it? :)

I could analyze your writing to the best of my ability and try to give you pointers, so I will.

First off, let's get this straight. Your English is readable. Not fantastically fantastic, but readable. It works to tell me what you want me to know. The mistakes you make are rather simple, such as tense errors,



spelling mistakes or using a completely wrong word.



You also seem to neglect to tell the reader who says what. Without words like 'said' or 'spoke', the reader is momentarily unable to link the dialog and character together, and he or she then has to stop reading and reorient him or herself again.

Your sentence structure also clashes with each other. Sometimes you tell me something like:



From this I can tell the character dusts himself off and goes to get a drink. Anyone can understand what is happening. However, you then continue in the same sentence:



You've repeated the sentence structure twice in the same sentence, making it sound weird if you read it out to yourself. If you come across something like this, try to reorganize the sentence or split it up.

Another problem is that you don't use commas properly. A comma works like a breath in the middle of a sentence, breaking the sentence up so it becomes easier to read and keeping it from being too long. You've got a lot of sentences that could be broken up into smaller ones with periods or commas.

I would go longer, but I'm starting to fall asleep just listening to myself. [And also since it's now early morning where I am.] I'll continue if asked.