The Opening Scene

Buhamet · **Posted:** Sat Jun 30, 2007 2:39 pm

The only thing that needs changing is that the uncoloured pages need to be coloured in. That is all.

araraya · **Joined:** Mon Apr 16, 2007 6:37 pm **Posts:** 1

the only thing you need to do is color it in

BaconMan · **Posted:** Sat Jul 07, 2007 1:22 am

Ditto to that :lol: !

couchattack · **Joined:** Mon Jul 09, 2007 11:53 pm **Posts:** 26

i think the dialog could use a few tweaks. the same idea just a few rewordings that make the story later on make more sense.

A. Trace doesn't realize Flora can talk until later, maybe change the "Help!" to a scream or scared nose of some kind.

^(far more likely to be changed)^

B. I think that being omniscient, the man trying to kill Flora cant lie to us in thoughts. I suggest changing the "Its all going to plan"(i cant remember the exact line) to something more like "He said someone would stop me... but, Trace Legacy?.. I wonder if I'll still get payed..."

they just seem like it would flow better but then again, i failed english, so meh.

RobbieThe1st · **Posted:** Tue Jul 10, 2007 5:24 am

couchattack wrote:

i think the dialog could use a few tweaks. the same idea just a few rewordings that make the story later on make more sense.

A. Trace doesn't realize Flora can talk until later, maybe change the "Help!" to a scream or scared nose of some kind.

^(far more likely to be changed)^

B. I think that being omniscient, the man trying to kill Flora cant lie to us in thoughts. I suggest changing the "Its all going to plan"(i cant remember the exact line) to something more like "He said someone would stop me... but, Trace Legacy?.. I wonder if I'll still get payed..."

they just seem like it would flow better but then again, i failed english, so meh.

A, perhaps, but then again, would Trace have realized she spoke just that one word as English... remember, just after that hes fighting, so would he have made the connection? It could have just slipped his mind.

B, Isn't that guy actually Ephemeral, and not just a hired guy? I seem to remember it was that way... And, if you look closely, he/she is changing shape after he/she leaves trace, on that one panel. That would seem to indicate he/she is not just a hired person.

-RobbieThe1st

couchattack · **Joined:** Mon Jul 09, 2007 11:53 pm **Posts:** 26

RobbieThe1st wrote:

A, perhaps, but then again, would Trace have realized she spoke just that one word as English... remember, just after that hes fighting, so would he have made the connection? It could have just slipped his mind.

B, Isn't that guy actually Ephemeral, and not just a hired guy? I seem to remember it was that way... And, if you look closely, he/she is changing shape after he/she leaves trace, on that one panel. That would seem to indicate he/she is not just a hired person.

-RobbieThe1st

A. yeah but we people don't forget when we read it, and i can see alot of morons going "OMGWTFBBQ she said help before!!!". iv come to expect people to be idiots so maybe I'm just bias.

B. yeah i saw that when i re-read it agian after i was done reading the forums but still maintain that we are omniscient and his thoughts cat lie to us. there must be some way to do it better
i feel its a valid point.

Alien888 · **Joined:** Sat Nov 11, 2006 7:25 pm **Posts:** 59

I'd be surprised if Keidrans' brides wear same clothes as humans do. As it was shown in some early comic (sorry, can not remember page)

couchattack · **Joined:** Mon Jul 09, 2007 11:53 pm **Posts:** 26

humm...http://twokinds.comicgenesis.com/comics/20040107.jpg
that one... yeah looking back on it does seem kinda odd...
i would expect fancy cloths but more of a decorated gown than a lace dress
of course she could have picked up those ideas from her time as a slave

1stunit · **Joined:** Sat Aug 11, 2007 6:17 pm **Posts:** 1

i think you should just re-drew and colour it i love the way it is now i find it perfect

Fire Stick Dude · **Posted:** Sun Sep 16, 2007 11:18 pm

Seph has written exactly how I feel about this subject.
However, if you end up changing the intro, may I suggest leaving an option to see the archives in their original form as well as in their updated form.
This is because some readers enjoy seeing the progression of artist's skill throughout the comic, as they can see how adapt you've become since starting.
Plus it will please both the people that want no change and those that do want change. (Assuming they want change in general, and not just their suggested specific change)

BR · **Posted:** Mon Sep 17, 2007 2:38 am

Seph wrote:

Well, everyone seems to have an oppinion.
Here's mine:

This is your comic, Tom... and it's brilliant.
I love everything as it is.
I love everything for what it is.

If you want to change something, you do it.
I know for a fact it will only make the comic better.
If you want to change the story... I know that the only thing you could do is make it more clearly and accurately portray the story you -want- to tell.
If you add color... it'll be gorgeous.

Do whatever you need to do to make it greater than it already is.
No matter what... your fans will love you for it. Mostly... except that one guy... you know... him. Yeah... he'll get all p*ss*d about it and leave. Nobody will miss him though.

agree on that one too
the first pages are the reason I continued reading till.... well today (and probably will keep reading for a looooooong time) the story isn't just good it's great!! You can leave it the way it is now if you ask me

GoudeGamer · **Posted:** Fri Apr 04, 2008 11:06 am

The story it self is fine as is, but an update in the art style and maybe the scenes shown from a different angle would be nice.

Tuna · **Posted:** Fri Apr 04, 2008 8:05 pm

GoudeGamer wrote:

The story it self is fine as is, but an update in the art style and maybe the scenes shown from a different angle would be nice.

Since the revising of the first chapter already began like 6 months ago, this topic is pretty much dead already, and any additional input seems a bit moot...
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