Twokinds ARCHIVE Forums

I run a game of Spycraft 2.0, with a conspiracy setting. The PCs are (or rather were) agents essentially of the Illuminati, but were cut loose after the Conspiracy collasped in on itself. So in one of their latest adventures, they found themselves in an underwater resort, surrounded by zombies brought to life by an overzealous medical researcher trying to improve donor organ survival. The triggerman kept firing off as many bullets as he could at these zombies, often when they were engaged in melee combat with other characters, and by the end of it, he'd actually managed to shoot the thief of the party a couple times.

So the party is on edge, partly with themselves, and they're looking for a way off. And our thief errors a search check (sort of like a blend of D&D spot and search checks, but they're made in secret so the players don't know if they were successful or not). So I use this as an excuse to play off his paranoia and have him think he spots movement out of the corner of his eye. This causes the entire party to panic and start having me roll search checks for them as fast as they possibly can (roughly once every six seconds, game-time). By the law of averages, they start failing these like crazy, and they don't believe the ones that they succeed. ("You don't see anything, the room seems to be completely empty.") They get their minisub refuelled and the docking clamps unlocked, but by this time, they're convinced that they're being stalked by some sort of madman who is going to steal the sub and leave them here. They're sprinting through the halls of this resort, shooting and throwing knives at shadows. The thief actually critically hit a potted plant with a throwing knife, and it was only due to my manipulating their fears that kept him from going to see what it was that he hit. The funniest part though was the hitman, who, along with the assassin, was guarding the minisub. He actually tried to intimidate the darkness, Galstaff-style. So I'm rolling dice for no reason, just to keep him from guessing that there's nothing there. Then he fails a notice check (also like D&D spot, only it's a passive skill rather than an active one), and I have him note the ventilation kick on and blow air on the back of his neck. He starts shouting for everybody to run to the sub, thinking that it's a negative pressure differential and the whole place is about to fill with ocean. That one failed check turned a fairly boring session into a tension filled rush that existed only in my players' heads. If only I could do that more often.

5 people I'm a theif, theres a warrior, a mage, and a Pali.
DM is 5th person took us 12 sessions just to get to the location or our mission. 50 sessions just to beat it.

Dm: Congradulations after a long long journy you have finally beat the Necromancer that was causing the problem.

Pali: Lets get out of this foul place and to some baths at the in as soon as possable.

the group starts to leave

DM: (whispers to me) you skull with a sign that says do not touch.

Me: (crap) I announce: I see a sign that says do not touch and I pick up the skull.


everyone NOOOOOOOOO

Dm: 14 Demon lord appear:

a feirce battle goes on and I get my spine ripped out just before I die. the pali and warrior become magled flesh with each other. You can't tell were one starts and the other ends. the mage is skewered the worst way possable with his own staff.

Everyone looks at me starts screaming and getting ready to throw things at me Until the mage speaks up.

Mage: now why in the hell would you do that.

Me: DO what I did what i had to do.

mage: no you didn't have to do that.

me: Yes i did

Mage: why (Starts to get red and agry)

me: cause your the one who gave me the cursed medallian that makes me do the opposite of everything?

Mage: Oh [censored]?
He got pummeled by lunch meat.

and thats how I killed everyone.

Probably the most hilarious DnD moment I've had. Our DM was introducing his new character (Psychokinetic bug thing). We get attacked by these crustacean things who paralyzed our gnome swashbuckler. Then another stuck eggs in her stomach. (The only girl in our DnD group). So we're screwed because I'm out of spells (cleric) and our ninja's still in plane shift. So I tell our bug friend to use our swashbuckler as a third weapon. Needless to say she was ticked after our DM made me use my [censored] sword as a scalpel after our pschokinetic buddy used her as a bludgeon. Our DM's evil about how heal works. And since I was removing eggs and our ninja wasn't near with a smaller blade I had to cut her open with a giant sword. She almost died. Then I healed her. My revenge for that was calling his character Queenie forever more.

Ok, i doing a gangsta rp once, 1930s type, and some guy kept stepping onto my terretory so i sent a small assault party to his bar to show him whos boss by doing a drive by and not stopping, and i get this back.

Running through the gun fire he shoots the guy in the leg, captures him and finds out where he's based. I then bribe the cops 5 million dollars and get them all arrested, and i get the leader and chop him up.

that was the short version of it. i swear this guy had no idea how to roleplay.

Not really 100% RP actions, but still what I find hillarious:

13 year old, 10 mixed species masters of 5 combat arts and 2 magical ones. They also are cheerful, though have a past catastrophy to make them super sad when something goes against them.

I need to walk away from the computer and stop myself, before I can return and continue with a 'No'.

Ok, we were doing a Warhammer 40K DnD, Space Marines only. We had a Brother-Captain, a Chaplain, a Liberian, a Assault Marine, a Apothecary, a Tech-Marine, and a regular Marine with a heavy bolter. The Brother-Captain had just swapped out his Power Sword for a Daemon Hammer, and wanted to try it out. Oh yeah, I was GMing this one.

Brother-Captain: Hey, Apothecary; hold still for a sec.
Apothecary: What?
BC: *Hits Apothecary in the nuts with Daemon Hammer with all his strength*
AP: [censored]
GM: *rolls dice* You bring him down to ¼ health, both his nuggets pop, and he passes out from the pain.
AP: [censored] [censored] [censored]
Rest of group: laughing [censored] off

Now for the really good part;

Orbiting Strike Cruiser: Brother-Captain, we have detected a large Ork formation consisting of at least 30 looted Leman Russ tanks, and well over 500 Nobz less than 20 miles away from your current location moving towards you at about 60 miles per hour.

group: Oh [censored]
AP: Bet you wish I was still awake right now, don’t you.
BC: [censored] you

Long story short, the rest of the group ran away and left the Apothecary for the Orks. Oh man did they regret that later on.

Okay, my turn. ^.^

I was playing with my cousin (GM) and two friends David & Schaeffer. I was a Human rogue, I believe David was a Half-elf Sorcerer, and Schaeffer was a Wood Elf Ranger. The way our party was introduced went something like this;

So we're sitting at the table, and I see a dartboard I'm facing toward it, it's to the half-elf's left, and the elf hasn't even turned around to see it. After a couple drinks, my character's like, "I could hit a bull's eye on that." I manage to hit just outside the rim. Of course, the Elf, with 20 Dexterity, manages to hit bullseye without turning around to see it I sit back down.

So the half-elf, who was as drunk as a skunk at this point, stumbled out of his seat, turns to the dartboard, and thinks, "Okay. The dartboard is on that side of the wall," and, without further ado, fires a magic missile and burns the tavern down.

While everyone's running every which way, I rob people blind in all the confusion. I think I got about 100 gp.

heres a good one, my first D&D game with my new group was the Tomb of Horrers Module.
My buddy Ian and I were the only guys besides the DM with any experence in the game before then.

i was playing a Ninja with a Paranoia streak miles long, the frst door we
came to i checked for traps 3 times and coudent find any.

right as i anounced the 4th time the Claric cries out "thats it im going up to the door and THROWING it open." my ninja and Ian's wizered at a split secound to look at the claric in astoishment before the roof caved killing Ian
and mortally wounding me.

in a online D&D 3rd ed revised i rolled up a elf Paladin.

Now the funny thing is i had the worse luck in the world on rolls, so band in fact the cleric with the mace was taking out goblins 2 on one while i was taken out by goblins in 2 shots.

Anyway the DM felt sorry for me so ie had us find a tree that had +1 swords growing out of it. The Cleric got one no problem, i botched the roll and while i got one i also lost half my hit points, but manged to save vs going into a immediate blood shock.

So we retire to a inn and before we know it this in of pirates start attacking us. Bing a paladin i start making holy war cries for RP effect, the DM gives me a bonus for them and i mange to cut my way through the pirate after they have taken out my entire team, another quarter of my HP (so im not down to 1/4 hp) and hold them off without taking a single point of damage...

until the dice betray me...and i go down in one, but i took out half the pirates alone with only 1/4 my hp

Okay..It's hackmaster..my players start rolling up their chars flaws and quirks.. This is what my friend the battlemage gets..

Battle mages are experts in fireball spells by the way..

Narcoleptic: falls asleep somethimes without warning.

Sleep chatter: Talks in his sleep.

Truthfull: Always tells the truth

Jerk: Is an a**hole

Loudboor: Always want the attention on himself

PYROMANIAC: Loves to play with fire.

Depression: goes trough "episodes" from time to time.

I mean, I can screw him so much XD

So I was playing DnD with my friends. The GM ran a nymph as an NPC for the group as well as a creature of his own creation. THe two were very much in love. SO much in fact me and my other friend had to often break them apart so we could get back to questing.

Anyway we head out and find this camp and being a typically fighter I rush in and start trying to find things to kill. Sadly, nothing needs to be chopped. There's this really big tent and so we wander in. A bucnh of prisoners are in cages and we are like, "Hey, we'll get you out." Except they dont want out. Eventaully we try to leave and this fragging huge cloaker attacks us. It bites down and swallows the nymph whole and then goes after me for seconds. I get lodged in its throat and start trying to stab it to death with my arrows. Obviously not effective.

Finally we kill it, i don;t remember how. But the first thing the NPC does is try to find the Nymph. Who just happens to be nothing but a pile of goop. From then on when ever we wanted to get the NPC to do something all we had to do was remind him of the Nymph and he'd basically cry and do whatever we said.

Well, I was running a DnD game one time while the party was in a tavern full of hobgoblins ih a village near an evil forest called the dead woods. While sitting in waiting for their meal and freaking out about some of the "local flavors" the cook yells out that they have a "lettuce problem". The party however thinks nothing of it up until they find out that what the cook ment was that a head of lettuce that was native to the dead woods had rolled out of the kitchen and tried to eat the party. I haven't lived down that gag since.