Stig Quotes (off Wikki Quote,
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Top_Gear ) :
"Some say" (Insert two of the following)
He drinks a lot of petrol.
He was born in space.
He never blinks.
He roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves.
He sleeps upside down like a bat.
His sweat can be used to clean precious metals.
His skin has the texture of dolphins.
If you tune your radio to 88.4 FM you can actually hear his thoughts.
He does not see like humans do, instead he sees numbers in green
scrolling down. (A reference to The Matrix)
He could annihilate the Daleks, Dr Who and the Cyberman, if he could be bothered.
He is scared of bells.
He once punched a horse to the ground.
His politics are terrifying.
He lives in a tree.
He likes DragonBoarder.
He was raised by wolves.
He appears on high-value stamps in Sweden.
His favourite philosopher is Immanuel Kant.
His earwax tastes like Turkish Delight.
He is confused by stairs.
He naturally faces magnetic north.
He is illegal in 17 U.S. states.
His heart ticks like a watch.
All his legs are hydraulic.
His brain is a Satellite navigation system.
He can "accumbularate".
He appears on Japanese banknotes.
There's an airport in Russia named after him.
He is wanted by the CIA.
His breath smells of magnesium.
He can catch fish with his tongue.
His tears are adhesive.
If set alight, he'd burn for a thousand days.
After eating printing ink, he obtains the ability to fly.
He is terrified of ducks.
His voice can only be heard by cats.
He has two sets of knees.
He can swim seven lengths underwater.
He has webbed buttocks.
He can melt concrete on contact.
He is more machine than man. (A reference to Darth Vader)
His heart is in upside down.
His teeth glow in the dark.
His favourite food is raw meat.
He has no age.
He urinates 98 RON petrol. (On The Top Gear Website Profiles)
He can smell corners. (On The Top Gear Website Profiles)
He likes his eggs sunny side up. (Top Gear Website Profiles)
He blinks this way. (Clarkson closing his thumb and forefinger on both
held-up hands - a reference to Men in Black)
He has acid for blood. (A reference to the Alien).
Jimmy Carter wants him dead.
He has a bionic arm.
He has a tattoo of Buzz Aldrin on his thigh.
He is stumped by clouds.
He has no fear.
His ears aren't exactly where you would expect them to be.
He once, "preposterously", had an affair with John Prescott. (Referring to
Prescott's recent admission that he had had an affair with one of his secretaries)
He has a digital face.
If he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar. (A reference to the UK version
of The Apprentice, featuring the aforementioned head honcho of Amstrad in the Donald Trump role)
He has named every single blade of grass surrounding the Top Gear test track.
His genitals are on upside down.
If he could be bothered, he could crack the Da Vinci code in 43 seconds.
(During Clarkson's 'The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly') If he left Britain, his ears would explode. However, they're wrong - because he's here.
His ears have a paisley lining.
He is banned from the Chelsea Flower Show.
The outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the
Nürburgring.
If given an important job to do, he'll skive off and play croquet. (Reference to John Prescott May 2006)
He invented Branston Pickle.
If you insult his mother, he will head butt you in the chest. (A reference to
Zinedine Zidane being sent off in the finals of the 2006 FIFA World Cup
On really warm days, he sheds his skin like a snake.
For some reason, he's allergic to the Dutch.
His fingernails have 330bhp.
His tongue can strip the paint off a Porsche in 30 seconds.
His first name really is "The".
If he went on Celebrity Love Island, they'd all be pregnant, including the cameramen.
He once threw a microwave oven at a tramp.
Long before anyone else he realised that Jade Goody was a racist, pig-faced, waste of blood & organs. (Greeted with a lot of applause)
He once had a viscous knife fight with Anthea Turner
He was in no way involved with the cash for honours scandal, (followed by) Welcome Lord Stig!
(And finish with) "All we know is, he's called The Stig."
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