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Coming soon! (I'm working on getting enough of the story actully written, so it could be a day or two.)

I hope to update this twice a week or once at least, but sometime, I'll be away for 3 weeks. (Forget when)

Basics:
Main char: Cmdr Izula Nakatake
Age: Appears 28 (Really over 2 billion)
Gender: Male
Race: BioAndroid

Set: On a planet called Izuru, in wartime.
Tech- similar to Earth, but with several advanced units. (I'll explain them along the way.)

Hopefully, some will be posted by Friday...

Basic plot: Izuru is sitting in a building, looking out over the war-torn horizon when he starts having random flashbacks of his past. Also includes various present-time scenes. (And some stick-comic posts if need be)

Starter
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Sitting alone in a tiny room with a sniper with a long barell, Izuru glances out the window for the fifteenth time in twenty minutes. Bored and tired, he doesen't expect the whizz of bullets that nearly take his head off. Changing his sniper from single shot to semi-auto, and bending the collapsable barell to fire sideways, he flicks on his IR sight, calcluates the exact spot where he should put his gun, and fires three bursts into the attackers head and neck. Sighing and thinking back to his pre-service days back on the Homeship Vagabonb he slips into one of his many spontanious flashbacks, and is carried away into a better life.

OH NO!

****! Fixed

July 3rd, 36 billa UAT
Mobile Cidial of Vadguardia
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(Note: Story hereonin contains refrnces to gateway drugs, a select few illegals, suggestive themes, and violence (Just thought I'd let you know)

"Damn man, why didn't you TELL me yous was broke, I coulda helped you back there bro!" Segri "Cpl. Terror" Larkson told Izula in a think russian accent. "Ah sheadupp corpral filthy rich, you know Kod would have your head if you gave your ahem, money to me." Izula whined.
Indeed, Kod, the cidial's temporary landlord, WOULD have his head if he gave away his well-placed bribe money. Segri, now miffed that he wouldn't have been able to help his buddy without having to fut up one hell of a fight, dug into his pocket and pulled out his Prime Golds (Think malboro's, but WAY stronger) and his custom Model ZPO-13 (Think a Zippo, with a good deal of extra stuff on it) and passed one to Izula. "Aw cut me some clack man, I don't need no crack to keep me cool, nevermind a smoke that's pretty much crack on a stick... Gawd, how in the seven hells can you STAND those things? One look and I get gas" Izula edges away a bit. "Oh really now?" After lighting his Gold, Segri waited for the exact moment Izula let one loose, and then made a mad dash for his pant seat with the ZPO M13. "What the? OH ****!" Izula screamed and jumped a foot off the floor after Segri lit his gas on fire, scortching his pants. "Thats for making me think ahead again." Segri said calmy, but with a hint of mockingness in his voice.


(TBC In a few days)

Your narrative is clunky, but your dialogue is good.
I'd suggest doing some narrative exercises.