Twokinds ARCHIVE Forums

This forum is for the preservation of old threads from before the forum pruning.
It is currently Sat May 03, 2025 9:41 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 51 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

The Five Gods
I love it! 12%  12%  [ 1 ]
I like it. 75%  75%  [ 6 ]
It's okay... 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
I don't like it. 12%  12%  [ 1 ]
I hate it! 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Total votes : 8
Author Message
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2008 11:42 am 
Offline
Council Member
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:30 am
Posts: 579
Location: USA
Fatalcrash wrote:
Eternal Wanderer wrote:
Great update. I could not any mistakess.

Uh huh.


Sigh...not again... :oops:

Thanks for pointing that out.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2008 1:02 pm 
Offline
Citizen
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 3:30 pm
Posts: 88
Location: Drawing
I know I have problems with dialog, I'm working on it >.>

But know: there was originally much more than that

Quote:
Oh, and your cast look unusually similar to each other.


That's 'cause they're not in color, I never /draw/ them, and 'cause I didn't really try at the time...

Cast sketches are just for fun, once I get more into the story I might do real pictures for them, but for now I'm not worrying about it.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 6:36 pm 
Offline
Grand Templar
User avatar

Joined: Wed Feb 21, 2007 6:23 am
Posts: 1489
Location: Singapore, which contrary to popular belief is not actually part of China.
Jae wrote:
I know I have problems with dialog, I'm working on it >.>

Well, good for you.

Jae wrote:
But know: there was originally much more than that

What's that supposed to mean? I didn't say you don't have enough dialog, I'm saying your dialog needs improvement.

Jae wrote:
Quote:
Oh, and your cast look unusually similar to each other.


That's 'cause they're not in color, I never /draw/ them, and 'cause I didn't really try at the time...

So they're basically carbon copies with different dye jobs?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 12:06 am 
Offline
Citizen
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 3:30 pm
Posts: 88
Location: Drawing
@_@ They're not copies.. I just don't draw 'em ever @_@


It may be a bit longer until the next update. The next part needs to be updated a lot more from the old version, and school starts back up again next week...

I'm workin' on it though! :D


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 12:18 am 
Offline
Templar Master
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2007 12:09 pm
Posts: 499
Location: right where you least expect me
interesting to know that you are advancing your technique and making it much better


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 1:14 am 
Offline
Citizen
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 3:30 pm
Posts: 88
Location: Drawing
one strange cat wrote:
interesting to know that you are advancing your technique and making it much better


Yup~ waited a year to re-write it because i wanted it to be that much better ^^;


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 12:56 am 
Offline
Citizen
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 3:30 pm
Posts: 88
Location: Drawing
Chapter Three:

Image

Click for Cast Sketches
------------
Sorry about the lack of formating... Forums suck for posting long stories... >.>
You can also read it on FictionPress here: <http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2447546/1/>
------------




— — — — — —
The Five Gods
Chapter: 3
— — — — — —


Kira awoke where she had passed out; she was all alone behind the school. Her wounds were completely healed and she was in control of her own body again. She looked around, calling out Ookami’s name.
‘I’m right here, Kid,’ he said, warmly. His voice echoed around her, ‘You can’t see me, but my spirit is living within you. I can see through your eyes and feel your pain. I can also bring my true form to this world through you. And I want you to know; I can and will protect you with the power of nature.’
“That’s amazing,” Kira said in awe, walking towards the school, “Wait a minute, Ookami! Did anyone see you?! I mean, we were just fighting a giant fox! I can’t just walk in there like nothing happened!”
‘Relax,’ Ookami chuckled, ‘I’m a GOD remember? Over the years, the other four and I have figured out ways to get past that. If we’re in a public place, we will make ourselves invisible to mortals… Though our fights might still cause problems if we were to destroy anything.’
With a smile of comfort, Kira walked into the school. Instantly, the bell for first period rang. The girl continued on her way, amazed that the fight only lasted about ten minutes.


— — — — — —


Kira ran to her first period classroom while Ookami attempted to explain the war to her. He desperately tried to justify killing TJ, but Kira avoided the topic.
“Hello there, Kira,” a cold voice called from behind.
Kira quickly turned to see Liz standing before her. Surprisingly, she had no neck pains whatsoever, but that somehow made Kira even more uncomfortable.
‘Odd…’ Ookami muttered, ‘She looks like…’
Kira ignored the voice in her head, “Uh, Hi… Liz, was it?”
Liz smiled warmly, pleased that Kira remembered her name. She warned Kira to hurry to class, and the two girls walked into the room together. Kira sat in her usual seat, while Liz strutted to the one next to her.
“Ooh, I can see MUCH better from here! You don’t mind, do you?” she grinned.
‘I swear…’ Ookami mumbled.
“Yeah, she’s a little weird,” Kira whispered.
‘Huh? No, I mean… Is she really… N- never mind,’ he sighed, ‘Forget I said anything. It’s fine.’


— — — — — —


Over time, Kira began to zone out. She was deep in thought, remembering what Ookami had asked of her. How could she kill TJ? Did he really try to kill her? Who did the other gods possess? Could she kill any of THEM? Would she even be strong enough to protect herself from them? Thousands of questions raced through her mind, but they all screeched to a halt with one shocking thought. Could she really trust Ookami?
This elemental god living within her came out of nowhere and was trying to control her life. Hell, he already demonstrated his ability to control her body. And now he was controlling her mind as well! Who was this demon who called himself ‘The Wolf God’ known only in legend?!
“My…head hurts,” she moaned.
‘You okay, Kid..?’ Ookami asked, with a sincere tone.
She nodded slightly, trying her best to hold back a tear as her mind raced back to the thought of her friend’s death- and again at the thought of her own death at his hands.
‘Don’t stress yourself too much, Kid,’ he said calmly, ‘you’ll get used to this stuff soon enough. But there will be some… changes in your life you’ll have to overcome. A lot of… changes.’ The wolf’s voice sharpened on the last part in particular.
“Yeah, well I think I’ve dealt with enough ‘changes’ already, Ookami..!” she muttered, just loud enough for the Teacher’s catlike ears to hear.
With a sigh, Mrs. Spots scolded Kira. For her own entertainment and that of the class, she questioned Kira’s ability to ignore the lecture while conversing with herself. The students began to chuckle, and Kira’s face turned red. Ookami growled and attempted to reassure the girl, but it didn’t mean much to her. Soon enough, the burning sensation in her neck returned and Kira was moaning in pain. She questioned Ookami, asking why it was happening again.
‘The wolf in you is being released, Kira,’ Ookami grinned.
“Wolf? Released?!” she cried.
Instantly, the pain surrounded her. It gripped her head more tightly than anywhere else. The pressure was too much to take and the girl fled the classroom, leaving both the students and Mrs. Spots confused and speechless.
“H- Hey!” the Cheetah cried, “Get back here, Kira!”
She began after her but was stopped when Liz arose from her seat.
“Teacher, I can get her if you’d like. We’re friends. I think I can calm her down. She’s been… Upset recently,” Liz explained.
Remembering she had the rest of the students to look after, the Bestia agreed. Liz politely thanked Mrs. Spots and walked calmly out into the hallway.


— — — — — —


Kira ran as fast as she could. She didn’t waste time looking back. She darted into the girl’s bathroom, the only place she could think of to hide. Panting heavily, her eye caught a glimpse of the mirror. She froze, staring.
‘Well, look at that,’ Ookami chuckled, ‘you look good, Kid!’
Kira stared at the figure in the mirror. It wasn’t real, she told herself. She lifted her hand to the top of her own head. The reflection imitated this action. The frightened girl gripped her trembling hand around the mutation upon her head. They were real.
“Wolf… ears..!” she muttered.
‘Your eyes are gold too,’ Ookami added, pleased, ‘you look really good, Kira!’
“I look like a Bestia!” she cried, noticing she also had a tail and slight fangs.
“A Bestia?” a voice smirked from behind, “Come now, Kira, you’re much more than that.”
Kira fell over in shock at the sound of Liz’s voice. The girl giggled and reached out a hand to help her up, but Kira just questioned her. She didn’t seem shocked at all. Was she another human possessed by a god? Did this mean they had to fight now?
“Ookami,” Liz called, softly, “Come out, Ookami. It’s me, you know. It’s Elizabeth.”
Instantly, Ookami gained control, and Kira’s body transformed into his own. He lowered his head all the way to the floor and closed his eyes.
“Princess,” he said softly, “it is you. I wasn’t sure before, but you’re really here.”
The girl smiled and began to pet Ookami. Kira tried to move, but of course couldn’t. She felt a warm sensation flow throughout her as Liz continued petting the wolf. It was odd to her, but still felt natural.
‘Ookami?’ Kira cried, ‘What’s going on?’
He ignored her.
“Ookami, Liz said warmly, “I… want to wish you luck in your battle. You’ve been fighting strong all these years. Tatsu and I are impressed by your great effort.”
“Thank you, Princess,” Ookami replied, looking her in the eyes for the first time, “But as I’ve said before, you should refer to him as Lord Tatsu. No matter how close you two may be.”
“Yes, you’re right,” Liz laughed, “Sorry.” She then gave a much more serious look, “The other gods… They’re here… At this school. I’ve spoken to both Kuma and Kitsune, and I’ve seen Taka with you.”
“Yes, when I first awoke,” he let out a slight growl, “I would have beaten him then and there, but my full strength hasn’t returned yet.”
“And it’s wont until…” Liz interrupted, “Well… You know how this works by now. This fight wasn’t meant to be quick.”
Liz explained that she hadn’t been able to locate the lightning god; Neko. He was probably reincarnated somewhere else in the world and the fact that the other four were all here was just luck. She ensured that there would be a winner and hinted that she was rooting for him.
“That’s right,” Ookami grinned, “I will be the winner! I will end this battle!”
Ookami began to glow a faint green. With a look of confusion on his face, the wolf transformed back into Kira’s Bestia-like form.
‘What the-?!’ he growled, ‘How did you-?!’
She ignored him.
Liz stared in shock, “How did you do that?”
“Uh, the same way he does, I guess,” she shrugged.
“That’s unusual,” Liz muttered, pondering what had just happened, “Humans shouldn’t be able to retake control like that… You must be… strong.”
Kira frantically explained to Liz about her friendship with TJ. She still couldn’t imagine having to fight him. On her knees, Kira begged for a way to avoid it. Ookami had called this girl a Princess. Was she really someone who could help? Kira prayed that she could, but Liz began to smirk in response to Kira’s tears.
“Kira,” Liz grinned, “how do you know he won’t attack you? Maybe he’s just pretending to be your friend. Foxes can be real tricksters, you never know.”
Kira froze, speechless. She didn’t even know how to react to this. Was Ookami really telling the truth all this time? A warm smile appeared across the Princess’ face.
“Ookami,” she called calmly, “Good luck, Ookami. I’ll be watching.”
‘Thank you, Princess,’ Ookami replied, knowing he couldn’t be heard, ‘Kira, we should get out of here.’


— — — — — —


Ashamed of her wolf-like features, Kira fled in secret. She avoided popular sections of the school and eventually made it to the back door. The wolf god explained that she was not a Wolf Bestia, but a Lycanthrope- one who changes forms between Human and Animal. She just had to learn to control it as best she could, which was not an easy thing, to do he warned. But Kira was determined. She would get her normal life back no matter what it took. She wasn’t going to give up hope- though the fact that she was hiding in the bushes behind her own school wasn’t too reassuring.
She glanced down through the row of shrubbery, admiring the plants, trying to ignore the fact that she had animal ears. Through the green, she noticed a patch of orange that seemed out of place to her. Kira crawled closer to examine it, but then it moved.
“Eh? Who’s there?!” cried a familiar voice.
Ookami warned Kira to not do anything stupid, but she ignored him again. The girl called out TJ’s name in both fear and joy. He too had the body of a Bestia; in his case, a Fox. Despite Ookami’s warning, Kira showed herself to the boy. She verified that it was truly her, but TJ’s reaction wasn’t what she had hoped it would be. A look of fear and anger appeared across his face. He began yelling things that made no sense to Kira. He yelled what seemed like half an argument that he didn’t seem to be winning.
“Ookami? What? Kill?!” he cried, “Why would I- No! Stop it, Kitsune!”
Kira took a few steps back, questioning TJ. The whole time, Ookami tried to convince Kira to let him fight, or he would forcefully take her body to do it himself.
“Ki… ra!” TJ muttered, grabbing his head in pain, “Kira! RUN!!!



— — — — — —
The Five Gods
Chapter: 3
— — — — — —


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:46 am 
Offline
Council Member
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:30 am
Posts: 579
Location: USA
Curses! Another cliff hanger! Great job though!

Just one thing. At times in the update, it seems you could use more diagloue instead of description. I guess here is an example.

"She warned Kira to hurry to class, "

I think that it would be better if it was dialogue.

Telling what a person said is good when a character or characters are talking endlessly with dialgoue to keep the plot moving. However, if a character says only a couple of sentences or if the dialogue is important to the plot, then it would not hurt to show what they said.

Other than that, keep up good work!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 5:06 pm 
Offline
Citizen
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 3:30 pm
Posts: 88
Location: Drawing
Lol, that was originally dialog, but I changed it to avoid too much~ @_@


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 12:17 am 
Offline
Citizen
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 3:30 pm
Posts: 88
Location: Drawing
I re-edited the prologue with more detail.. Just edited the same post, so if you want to read it again, go there ^-^


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 11:12 pm 
Offline
Citizen
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 3:30 pm
Posts: 88
Location: Drawing
Chapter 4 Preview:

"K- Kira..." Korith muttered. He'd followed her to her science class, "Are you okay..?"
"Korith? What are you doing here, you're gonna be late to class!" she said.
"Don't worry about that," he said, annoyed that she changed the subject, "I heard there was another... 'explosion'... Are you really okay??"
"Yeah, I'm fine!" she replied, "Why? Why wouldn't I be?!"
"I know you were there, Kira," he sighed, "...and I know you weren't alone... You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to... but... If you're scared... Or if you're in danger... I'll... protect you."



The chapter is fully written and typed, I just need to edit it and then i'll post it. (Probably be up before Monday, but it might take longer with the holiday and work)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 12:14 am 
Offline
Citizen
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 3:30 pm
Posts: 88
Location: Drawing
Chapter Four:

Image
Image

Image
Image

Click for Cast Sketches
------------
Note: Sorry about the lack of formatting... Forums suck for posting long stories... >.>
You can also read it on FictionPress here: <http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2447546/1/>
------------




— — — — — —
The Five Gods: Chapter Four
By: Jae
— — — — — —




‘Ookami!’
“Ookami?”

‘I’m going to beat you this time, Ookami!’
“What?”

‘Kill her TJ! Kill her or I will!’
“Kill? Why would I-“

‘She’s NOT your friend!!! Kill her before she transforms!’
“No!”

‘Fine then, I’ll do it!’
“Stop it Kitsune! Aah! Ki…Ra…! Kira! RUN!!!”

— — —

____ TJ screamed in pain as he was engulfed in an orange light. Kira froze, staring at her friend, as he transformed. The fox snarled as Kira stepped closer.
____ “TJ?” she asked, “It’s still you… R- Right..?”
____ “My name is Kitsune, mortal! Now where is Ookami?!” the fox snarled, “Or is he too scared to fight me? He expects a Lycanthrope to fight a God’s battle?!” Kitsune let out a loud laugh.
____ “That voice!” Kira growled, “You’re the one who attacked me before! It wasn’t TJ at all, it was you!!!”
____ “Of course it was me! This is my battle! He’s a good partner, but not exactly the best fighting spirit when it comes to you. He still surrendered his body to me, though. And when his paws become mine, I will end this war! Together, we will kill you and the other gods. Then I can finally go home!” Kitsune smirked, “All thanks to your little friend.”
____ Enraged, Kira charged the fox with her own strength. She extended her arm to use her new Bestia claws against her foe; but the God easily dodged and let out a loud guffaw when she tripped. Ookami tried desperately to take over Kira’s body, but she did all she could to stop him.
____ ‘Kira! Let me take over, damn it! You’ll get hurt!’ the wolf cried.
____ Kitsune grinned and summoned nine blue embers that circled him. Kira’s eyes widened as the flames shot at her and she was trapped within a cylinder of fire.
____ “Ookami..!” Kira whimpered, “H- Help… Me..!”
____ Seconds later, Ookami smashed his paws to the ground, crafting a shield of stone from the pieces of earth around him. The shield surrounded Ookami, protecting him from the flames. A loud howl was heard for miles as he pushed the stones outward through the flames, extinguishing them. The wolf charged the fox and scratched its face as Kira had attempted to. She felt the satisfaction of Kitsune’s blood on her claws, as did he.
____ “Really, Kitsune,” the wolf grinned, “Trying to act strong in front of a Lycanthrope? We all know how weak you really are!”
____ “Ookami, so nice of you to show up,” Kitsune smirked, “Now get ready to die.”
____ The wolf jumped back and growled as Kitsune began to glow once again. Nine blue embers shot at Ookami, but he jumped high into the air above his foe.
____ “You’re still too slow,” Ookami grinned, as he fell down toward the clueless fox.
____ Kitsune barely noticed the wolf before he smashed down onto the fox. Ookami drilled his claws into Kitsune’s flesh.
____ “Heh, I take it back, Kitsune! You’re not slow! You’re pretty quick; quick to lose!” Ookami laughed, biting into his neck.
____ Kitsune gasped for breath, desperately trying to get Ookami off his back. He managed to fall to one side, slamming the wolf into the ground, but he still didn’t let go. Blood gushed from Kitsune’s neck as his vision blurred.
____ ‘Ookami! Please stop! You can’t kill him, please!’ Kira begged.
____ She could taste her friend’s blood. She felt her claws digging into his back. Visions of TJ’s dead body flashed through her mind.
____ ‘Please…’ she muttered, ‘Ookami… p- please stop…!’
____ “He tried to kill you, Kira!” the wolf finally yelled, accidently releasing his grip on the fox.
____ ‘I don’t care!’ she cried, attempting to take over again.
____ The wolf started to glow and transform, “Kira! No! Stop it, you idiot!” his words faded away and Kira regained her human body.
____ Kira wrapped her arms around Kitsune’s bloody neck and sobbed uncontrollably, crying TJ’s name. The beast coughed and gasped for breath. The wounds in his neck were deep and blood was still gushing out.
____ “Wh- why did you stop him?” Kitsune muttered, trying to control his breathing, “You’re supposed to… to kill me… and the others..! Tatsu… and the Princess… they decided your fate..!”
____ “I don’t care!” she sobbed, “I don’t want to kill anyone!” She looked him in the eyes, “I don’t want anyone to die!”
____ The fox looked faint before transforming into TJ’s Human form. He quickly grabbed his throat and began gasping for breath. He managed to cough an apology to his friend, but she begged him not to talk. He gave her a look of sincerity before hacking up more blood.
____ “Ookami! Can you heal him? You said you could heal, right?!” she asked, frantically.
____ ‘Are you mad?! Why would I heal him?! He’s the enemy!’ Ookami growled.
____ “Ookami..!” she cried, “Please! Save him, please! You have to… I’ll do anything!”
____ ‘I refuse,’ he sighed, ‘but… I can’t stop you from healing him, can I?’ Kira froze in shock. ‘Concentrate, Kira. Concentrate on the power of earth within you; grasp it and control it. Command it to heal him, and it will obey…’ the wolf sighed, ‘…And if he hurts you, Kid… I promise you now; he won’t get another chance to heal.’
____ Kira closed her eyes and began to glow a faint green color. She instinctively placed her hands on TJ’s wound. He let out a cry of pain and looked at her questionably. The deep wound became shallower until it was nothing but a bloody scar. The boy let out three hacking coughs to clear the blood from his lungs.
____ “How did you-” he coughed, “O- Ookami? What?” he muttered, clearly talking to Kitsune, A faint smile grew upon his face, “Kira… thank you.”

— — —

____ A frantic gym teacher ran out of the building and began yelling at TJ and Kira.
____ “What are you two doing out here?!” he yelled, “TJ! What the hell did you do this time, punk?!”
____ “Coach Berger?” TJ cried, “What are you talking about?! I didn’t do anything!”
____ Kira recognized that name; Coach Gilbert Berger was TJ’s track, baseball and basketball coach. If anything went wrong, he blamed TJ; though 80% of the time it was his fault. Even though he was human, Coach Berger catered to Bestia on his teams, which made it even harder for TJ to prove himself.
____ “A BOMB went off, TJ, and you and you little girlfriend there are the only ones out here! What the hell happened?! You’re bleeding!”
____ TJ denied knowing anything and Kira impulsively agreed; even if they had told the truth, who’d believe them? Coach Berger informed them that the school was under lock-down and no one was allowed outside until the principal confirmed that it was safe. He escorted them to the nurse and then went to look for more students.

— — —

____ It took longer to see the nurse than it did for her to realize the two were fine. Ookami’s healing powers were far more than enough. She had TJ clean the blood off his neck and back, and helped Kira get the stains off her blouse. TJ had to leave his uniform jacket there to be cleaned, but in no time she’d sent them off to lunch.
____ “Perfect timing,” Kira said, trying to sound cheerful.
____ TJ stopped at the cafeteria doors, “Kira… maybe I shouldn’t go… the others… they saw…”
____ “TJ! They’re your friends! They’ll accept you no matter what! Kind of like… how you still accept me… as the wolf…” she put her hand on his shoulder, “Come on…”
____ They got their food and walked to the table where Petra, Robbie, and Korith were sitting. All three were staring at TJ. Silently judging him, unable to bring themselves to say anything.
____ “So, TJ,” Petra finally said, “I see you fixed your head.” He glared angrily. “I thought you didn’t like Bestia,” she continued, “Now you’re tryin’ to look like one or something?? …Racist.”
____ “It’s my DAD who doesn’t like them,” he impulsively replied, then just silently picked at his food.
____ The rest of lunch was quiet. TJ was always the loud one. Without him talking, it wasn’t the same. Petra and Robbie glanced at each other every so often, but never spoke. In time, the bell rang and the five friends went their separate ways.

— — —

____ "K- Kira..." Korith muttered. He'd followed her to her science class, "Are you okay..?"
____ "Korith? What are you doing here, you're gonna be late to class!" she said.
____ "Don't worry about that," he said, annoyed that she changed the subject, "I heard there was another... 'explosion'... Are you really okay??"
____ "Yeah, I'm fine!" she replied, "Why? Why wouldn't I be?!"
____ "I know you were there, Kira," he sighed, "...and I know you weren't alone... You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to... but... If you're scared... Or if you're in danger... I'll... protect you."
____ This scared Kira more than it comforted her. Did Korith see her? He couldn't have! Ookami said mortals couldn't see them when they fought! Kira tried to think of a reply, but Ookami interrupted her thoughts.
____ 'Hah! HIM protect YOU?! That's great,' he laughed, 'this kid's hilarious, Kira!'
____ "Korith," she said, trying to ignore Ookami, "I'm fine, can't you see? Don't worry about me! Now hurry or you're gonna be late to class..."
____ "...Yeah," he muttered in his normal, quiet tone, "Sorry, Kira. ...Bye." He walked away silently, making only one sad glance back.

— — —

____ Kira never cared much for her Science teacher; though she never cared much for Science either. Mr. Remi Blandin was a Rat-Bestia who was disliked by most of his students. He was strict and didn’t seem to enjoy his job at all.
____ “Sit down, Kira!” he yelled, when she’d just entered the room.
____ Barely five minutes later, the lights flickered and went out. The students instantly started screaming; partially out of fear, but mostly to irritate Mr. Blandin. The Rat frantically tried to take control of his class, as he went to the windows to open the blinds; it was sunny out.
____ “Stay in your seats, Students,” the teacher yelled, “There’s no storm; I’m sure they’ll fix this momentarily.”
____ Kira glanced out the window she was sitting next to. Her class was on the third floor, and she never really liked heights. She shivered and turned the other way.
____ ‘Kira,’ Ookami said, ‘We have to go.’
____ “What?” she whispered.
____ ‘Neko’s here. A fight is starting right now,’ he explained, ‘it’s the cat and…’ the wolf sighed, ‘and the fox.’
____ Immediately her eyes turned to the window. He was right; she saw Kitsune and Neko facing each other on the ground, probably only visible to her. They seemed to be talking, and it didn’t seem to be going well.
____ ‘If you don’t want me to fight him, then I won’t… yet,’ he continued, ‘but I’m going to rip that damn cat to shreds, I swear!’


— — — — — —
The Five Gods: Chapter Four
END
— — — — — —


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 10:15 am 
Offline
Council Member
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:30 am
Posts: 579
Location: USA
Nice update! Looks like things are getting a little better between Ookami/Kira and Kistune/TJ, but who could be Neko in control (strokes chin while thinking) hmmm...

I did not find any major mistakes. Only a couple of comma errors.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 1:53 am 
Offline
Citizen
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 3:30 pm
Posts: 88
Location: Drawing
Chapter 5 is written and just needs to be typed and edited. Probably be up this weekend, unless I'm too busy @_@


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri May 02, 2008 12:53 am 
Offline
Citizen
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 3:30 pm
Posts: 88
Location: Drawing
Chapter Five:

Image

Click for Cast Sketches
------------
Note: Sorry about the lack of formatting... Forums suck for posting long stories... >.>
You can also read it on FictionPress here: <http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2447546/1/>


— — — — — —
The Five Gods: Chapter Five
By: Jae
— — — — — —


___ ‘We have to go, Kira! Come on!’ Ookami growled, still trying to get to the fight, ‘I want that cat DEAD!’
___ Kira desperately glanced back between the door and Mr. Blandin, trying to figure out how to get past her strict teacher. Even if she did get out of the classroom, how would she get back outside with the school still on ‘lock down’?
___ ‘Get moving, Kid!’ Ookami barked, ‘or do you need ME to do it?!’
___ She felt him attempting to take control of her human body as he had before. Kira attempted to tell him to stop, but was too late. Using her body, Ookami stood from the desk and stomped toward the door.
___ “Kira!” the Rat called, “Where do you think you’re going?!”
___ Ookami turned and smirked, “That’s none of your concern.” His words came out in Kira’s voice, but much colder than her usual tone. He made one last glare, his golden eyes daring the teacher to stop him, before closing the door behind him.

— — —

___ ‘Ookami?’ Kira asked, ‘Where are you going? I thought you wanted to fight Neko, why are we going UPstairs?’
___ The god continued up until he reached a door with the word ‘Roof’ on it. “You know as well as I that we’re not getting out the front door. And either way, this route is faster,” he laughed.
___ ‘What?? F- Faster?!” the girl yelped.
___ Ookami opened the door and sunlight blinded him. He saw a blurred figure on the roof with him. Ookami rubbed his eyes, desperately trying to clear his vision, but what he saw wasn’t anyone he’d expected. Taka, the hawk, was perched on the edge of the rooftop. Ookami transformed into his own form but the hawk ignored him.
___ “Taka!” he growled, “Back for a second round, I see?” Taka ignored him. “I’m talking to you, you deaf pigeon,” Ookami barked, walking closer.
___ “Leave me be, Ookami,” Taka said calmly, “I’m not in the mood.” The wolf laughed. “Go fight Neko if you want, but not me.”
___ “Aw, you’re too weak to even attempt to fight?” Ookami chuckled, “You’re pathetic.”
___ The hawk gave a cold glare, “I promised I wouldn’t kill you,” a faint smirk crawled upon his beak, “So how about I help you down to Neko and Kitsune, hmm?”
___ Before Ookami could react, a gust of wind slammed into him, knocking him over the edge of the roof. Though Kira was screaming in his mind, Ookami just smirked, glaring at Taka as he fell further away.

— — —

___ Neko rammed Kitsune and sent him flying; the fox blew fire back at him. Electricity surrounded the Cat as he rammed Kitsune again, this time the fox didn’t stand up.
___ “Neko!” Ookami called, drawing attention away from the fox. He’d managed to sneak behind Neko without being noticed. “Long time no see,” he growled, “I’ve come to kill you again, you [censored].”
___ A fireball slammed into the cat, sending him flying into the school wall. Ookami ran to Kitsune who was struggling to stand. The fox engulfed himself in flames and growled at Ookami as he came closer, but was still weak from his previous fight and couldn’t hold the spell for long. Kitsune looked faint and began to lose his balance; the wolf leaned into him, helping him to his feet again.
___ “Ookami??” the fox yelped, “What are you doing?! Why are you—?”
___ “Because it’s what the girl wants. And I’m here to help her now,” he explained. Kitsune gave a look of suspicion. “And I’ve gotten attached to this Kid,” he sighed.
___ “Sure, Ookami…” Kitsune scoffed, “Call it whatever you want.”
___ “Two against one isn’t very fair, wolf,” the cat interrupted, “you might get hurt.”
___ “Hah! Look, Ookami! The kitty made a joke!” Kitsune laughed. Ookami grinned.
___ The snow white cat began to conjure sparks of electricity around itself. Ookami charged the cat with Kitsune by his side. Neko shot the electricity toward the two beasts, but Ookami used his shield of stone to protect himself. Kitsune kept charging, trying to dodge the bolts of lightning. He’d succeeded in dodging most of them, but just as he’d reached the cat, Neko shot him with a large blast of static that knocked him to the ground.
___ ‘TJ!’ Kira screamed.
___ “Don’t worry, Kid, he’s fine. One shot won’t kill him,” Ookami reassured her.
___ ‘But… it’s not one shot! He was hurt before!’ she moaned.
___ Ookami released the shield and looked closer at the fox. He hadn’t noticed all the cuts and burns he had already; his fur was stained with blood.
___ “Kitsune! Are you alright?” he called, but received no response, “Kitsune?!”
___ “You shouldn’t be worried, Ookami,” Neko grinned, walking closer, “I just made the fight easier for you. One less God for you to kill… Unfortunately, there won’t be time to celebrate since you’re going to die too.”
___ “You underestimate me, cat,” Ookami growled, “I’m stronger than that fox!”
___ “In defense, maybe,” Neko interrupted, “The earth spirit has the greatest defense, but how can you kill with that?”
___ “I don’t need magic to kill a housecat like you, Neko!” Ookami barked, “I can defeat you with the power of a wolf!”
___ Neko hissed and began to charge up another attack. Ookami raced over and slashed the cat’s shoulder with his large silver claws, then rammed into him to throw him back. Neko shot a bolt of lightning in mid-air and missed. Ookami smirked and jumped high into the air.
___ “Damn you, Ookami!” Neko hissed, landing on his feet, “Stand still so I can kill you already!”
___ Ookami smashed into the ground in front of the cat and stone flew up at him. Neko desperately tried to avoid the attack, but rocks and concrete of all sized flew at him, smashing into the school behind him. A cloud of dirt blinded his vision and Neko struggled to locate his foe.
___ Ookami ran through the flying stones and grabbed Neko’s Neck with his mighty fangs. The cat screeched in pain and dug his claws into the Wolf’s face. Ookami shook Neko until he began to lose consciousness. The wolf threw his foe into the pile of stones as the cat began to transform.
___ “Now,” Ookami growled, “let’s see who your partner is, Neko…” He walked closer. Sitting in a pool of blood was a human girl with blonde hair. She was struggling to hold herself by leaning against a large boulder.
___ ‘Petra?!’ Kira cried, transforming into her Bestia form, “Petra YOU’RE Neko?!”
___ “Damn it!” Petra yelled, “How did you lose?!” She paused, “’ SORRY’?! You said it was guaranteed victory!” Kira walked closer and placed her hand of Petra’s shoulder, but the girl shoved her hand away, “Stay away from me, Kira! You’re the reason I didn’t beat that fox!”
___ “’ That fox’ is TJ!” He’s you’re friend, how could you want o fight him?!” Kira scolded, “And what do you mean you didn’t beat him!? Look at him!” Kira pointed to the fox Bestia who was lying on the ground just a few feet away.
___ “I KNOW who he is, Kira! Do I look like I care?! I’ll kill anyone if it means winning this tournament; even if it means killing YOU!” Petra yelled, running off, leaving Kira speechless.

— — —

___ ‘K- Kira… I’m sorry. The cat is very… manipulative,’ Ookami sighed, ‘He makes hollow promises to his partners every time… and your friend is obviously listening to whatever Neko tells her…’
___ Kira stood frozen; unable to decide between chasing her friend and sobbing. How could this happen?! How could Petra actually want to fight?! Kira knew Petra never got along with her parents- could Neko be using that to get her to fight? Petra always had to be the best in school, was this just another class she was trying to ace? Kira couldn’t think of any valid reason for what had just happened. Ookami tried to comfort her, but she could barely comprehend the situation. Only the sounds of TJ struggling to sit up pulled her back into reality. She quickly ran over to the boy and tried to help him. He had burns and cuts all over his body, she was almost afraid to touch him.
___ “Kira,” he moaned, “you’re… bleeding,” he slowly raised his hand to her face and wiped the blood from her cheek, “Neko hurt you, didn’t he… And I… couldn’t…”
___ “Don’t worry about ME! It’s just a scratch! Look at you!!!” Kira cried.
___ “Pretty big for a scratch, Kira,” the boy muttered.
___ Kira ignored him and attempted to cast a healing spell. TJ’s cuts healed and his burn marks faded. The two attempted to turn into their full-human forms, but were unable. Ookami explained that it was because they were weak from the fight. Embarrassed of their animal forms, they hid, waiting for the school to release students to the busses.

— — —

___ It wasn’t long before the principal spoke over the loudspeaker. He instructed students to go straight to their buses and announced that all after school activities were canceled. TJ would have skipped any practice he had anyway, but that gave him a better excuse for his sports-fanatic family.
___ The two looked like Bestia, so it wasn’t too hard to blend into the crowd and get onto their bus. Kira sat in her usual seat toward the back, and TJ sat behind her. Before the bus even started, Kira heard TJ snoring, fast asleep and using the bus window as a pillow.
___ “Ookami?” Kira asked, quietly, “Is that how you wanted me? The way Petra is..?”
___ Ookami sighed, ‘I have to be honest, Kid, that’s what I had in mind but,’ he paused, ‘no. No, it’s not.’

[center]— — —[/center]

___ Later that day, Kira was at home watching TV. After taking a shower she’d put on a long robe and wrapped her hair in a towel to hide her Bestia-like features. Keno, her brother, came home late from work. She smiled and greeted him from her seat on the couch.
___ “Kira! What happened at your school?! I heard on the radio that the power went out and there was another weird explosion!” he asked frantically. He stomped closer and noticed the scratch on her cheek, “You’re hurt!”
___ “Ah, N- no, I’m fine!” she replied, “I just… Uh… I got scratched… by a cat!”
___ “A cat?” Keno asked, sarcastically, “Don’t lie to me, Kira.”
___ “I’m not lying!” Kira explained, “I saw a cat and a fox fighting and I tried to stop them, but the cat scratched me…”
___ There was a long pause while Keno looked her over. Kira sat terrified that he’d notice she was a Bestia. The boy let out a sigh and scolded her for going near wild animals.

— — —

___ Later that night, Kira tried but couldn’t sleep. She tossed and turned, but some odd noise was coming from outside. The more she tried to ignore it, the louder it became. Finally, she gave up and stormed out of her room to find the source of the noise. Still in her pajamas, she opened the back door and walked outside.
___ ‘What’s wrong, Kid? Shouldn’t you be sleeping?’ Ookami asked, ‘Or have you come to enjoy the full moon?’
___ Kira looked to the sky and saw it- the beautiful full moon, “Is that… music?” As she watched the moon, her wolf ears and tail began to tingle. Slowly, fur began to grow on her face, hands and bare feet. Her pajamas faded away as her Bestia-like body took one more step towards being a wolf. Her face grew a slight snout and her nose transformed into that of an animal. Her body resembled the Werewolves of horror stories. “Such beautiful… music,” Kira mumbled, smiling.
___ She tried to step forward, toward the forest, but fell to her hands and knees. Kira let out a loud yelp when she realized what had happened to her.
___ “No!” she sobbed, burying her face in her hands, “Oh my god, what AM I?! I’m not even a Bestia anymore!”
___ ‘Kid-! What are you-!’ Ookami stuttered, ‘Why are you crying??!
___ “I’m a monster! The Bestia was bad enough, but THIS! What AM I?!” she began sobbing uncontrollably, “Why is this happening?! Ookami, I don’t want this! Make it stop, please!”
___ For the first time in his eternal life, Ookami was speechless. What is wrong with this girl? Being a wolf is nothing to cry about, it is all Ookami’s ever known and there is no aspect of it that should result in tears. Why would she want it to stop? He tried to think of one of its benefits to cheer her up- she must be confused is all.
___ ‘Hey, kid,’ Ookami said, warmly.
___ “I have a name!” she sobbed.
___ ‘Kira,’ the wolf continued in his kindest voice, ‘would you do something for me?’
___ “Haven’t you asked for enough?!” she shouted.
___ ‘Howl.’ Ookami said, “Just once, Kira. Trust me, just try it, please.”
___ Kira scoffed and he asked again. She wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at the moon. She stood on her wolf-like legs and her ears calmly went back. Realizing she didn’t just look like a wolf, but was acting like one too brought tears to her eyes. She opened her mouth and let out a long beautiful howl. The fact that she knew how to howl was frightening, but the feeling that overwhelmed her was calming and pleasurable. She carefully walked into the forest, stopping at her favorite spot; a small clearing with a boulder in the center. Again, she let out a long howl.
___ ‘Feel better, Kid?’ Ookami asked, warmly.
___ His voice brought her back into reality. “Ah, I…” she muttered, “It feels so…”
___ ‘Natural?’ the wolf chuckled, ‘Those are your wolf instincts, Kira. Never question if they are ‘normal’ or not. You are a Lycanthrope, Kira. Be proud of that fact and act as your instincts urge you.”

— — —

___ In the distance, Kira heard howls of others wolves and fear overcame her. She heard their barks as they came closer. The sounds of the pack made her beg for Ookami’s protection, but he tried to comfort her, telling her to be strong. Within seconds, Kira was surrounded by a small pack of Gray Wolves. They circled her, some sniffing, others growling.
___ “Uh, h- Hi..! G- good wolves..! Don’t eat me!” Kira muttered, trying to be strong as Ookami instructed.
___ “Woah!” one yelped, jumping back, “It can TALK!” The others all froze in shock.
___ “I can t- talk,” Kira muttered, “H- how can YOU?!”
___ “Aren’t you a Human? You smell like a Human! Humans can’t talk!” one growled.
___ “She looks like a wolf to me!” another barked, “An ugly wolf, but a wolf nonetheless!”
___ “She’s neither,” a dark-gray wolf explained. Kira noticed a large scar on his left cheek and recognized it as the wolf she saw just a few days ago. “She’s clearly a Lycanthrope,” he said calmly, turning to Kira, “I know the legend of Lord Ookami. The story of the Wolf-God has been passed down through this pack ever since your ruling.” He bowed his head to Kira, “I never imagined my pack would be graced with your presence, Lord Ookami,” he paused, “Thank you, Lycanthrope, your sacrifices for us aren’t in vain. I know Lord Ookami will bring great honor to all wolves when he ends this battle.” He looked to his pack and then to the moon, “The Goddess of the Moon has brought this good fortune, my wolves. And to you Lycanthrope, what might be your name? I am Zuli; the Alpha of this pack.”
___ “I’m Kira,” she said with a bit of fear in her tone, “D- do you want to see Ookami..?”
___ ‘Why do I get the feeling you’re using me as a shield,’ Ookami sighed, taking over.
___ The instant Ookami transformed, all the wolves’ noses were to the ground, bowing as best as a canine can.
___ “Lord Ookami,” Zuli said, trying not to stutter, “It’s an honor to be in your presence. I’ve prayed for this day since I was a pup.”
___ “Heh, I’m flattered, really. There is no need to bow; rise, please.” Ookami smiled.
___ “Y- yes,” Zuli said, slowly raising his head, “Lord Ookami, this time, like every time before, you will win your battle. If either your partner or you are in need of anything, you are welcome to come to us. Especially the girl; please let her know what her sacrifice means to us. Not just any human would be willing to give their lives for a wolf.”
___ Ookami smiled, “You’re right. It’s a rare human trait to be so selfless, but I think the Kid has it and more. And she’s powerful as well, Zuli. She’s even stood her ground against other gods.”
___ Kira could tell he was saying that for her more than he was saying it for Zuli. If this was another attempt to get her to fight her friends, it wasn’t going to work. Kira tried to ignore Ookami. She wouldn’t let his being nice now manipulate her.
___ “The Goddess of the Moon smiles upon your forest tonight,” Ookami said to the pack, “I think it may be necessary to join her in one last song before I take my leave, don’t you agree?”
___ Zuli nodded and the wolves joined together to howl their songs to the melody of the moon.


— — — — — —
The Five Gods: Chapter Five
END
— — — — — —


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 51 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group