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Well, I've got a contribution to the Story Board. I didn't even think I would be able to write something like this, mostly because of at the time I didn't actually feel the furryness. I started with an explanation first because I thought it was a good course to do. I don't think most writers do this at all. Well anyway, I will immediatly post the prologue. I'm still stuck on Chapter 2 because I was hit by a writers block faster than Space Shuttle traveling at full speed. I'll post Chapter 1 in a few days after this. I want to make sure If this is a good idea. Well anyway, here is the explanation first.

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Explanation.

Alex was an average man as far usual standards went. He lived in an apartment, located in a small town somewhere in southern California, that was a little run down. Most of the tenants that lived there considered him weird by the look the of his room, and how often he changed his hair color. The room he lived in was particularly messy, and small posters of his favorite shows and movies literally took up almost all of the wall space. A computer, which sat on a small desk, is located directly across from the entrance. The small kitchen, which he kept clean, is to the left of the computer. His couch, which he slept on, is a plain blue comfort couch that sits in front of the entrance. A little coffee table stands in front of the couch. He used the bedroom, located left of the entrance, as a sort of large closet.

He kept all sorts of clothes in there from ordinary clothes to cosplay costumes. Sometimes he would dye his hair to match the clothes, but most of the time he kept black, his natural hair color. His eye color is dark brown. He stands at about 5”8’, and weighs at 152 lbs. Despite what his neighbors thought of him, he was a good person, and often helped his neighbors if they needed a hand. Though no one suspected it, he led a secret life. He was a computer hacker. One night he got bold, and decided to hack into one of Microsoft’s security computers. He was found out, not because he was caught, but because he e-mailed a stronger program. The CEO was actually impressed, and offered Alex a job. Though he turned it down, he is regularly visited once every two weeks by a Microsoft official for stronger security programs, being well paid in the process.

He still worked at the movie rental store, located right across the street from the three-story apartment. Sometimes, when he had nothing to do, Alex would think to himself that if he were ever offered a position to lead a group of people he would have to turn it down. He knew he had no leadership qualities. He never knew his destiny was going to take a dramatic twist.

Prologue


“Have you found him yet?” said a squeaky evil voice.
“Yes, sir. We finally found him,” said a deep, bold voice, “It took quite a long time to find someone possessing the unique DNA structure,” said a deep, bold voice. A tall, black man handed the files he was holding to an old man dressed in laboratory work clothes, who was sitting behind a sort of electronic desk observing the many monitor screens before him. The old man yanked the files from his subordinate’s hands, and read through them, memorizing the photo of a black haired man with dark brown eyes. “Excellent!” he said, “I’ll experiment with the tiger gene again on him. I was quite pleased with the last subject.” As he finished, he looked at the monitor screen displaying his latest guinea pig, a tiger-like humanoid creature with silver hair in a tank tube. “Nasty little woman,” sneered the old man, “She should have known what would’ve happened to her. She just had to know what I was doing.”
“What about the ninja clan she belonged to?” asked the black man.
“They won’t bother with her. She broke off from them months ago”
“But what if-“
“She didn’t learn enough of their secrets. Don’t worry.”

Even though he was told not to, Markus was still worried. He lifted his hand, and rubbed his bald head. Professor Garret saw this, and turned his head to look at a particular monitor. Two small fox-like humanoid girls were displayed on the screen, both in separate tank tubes. From their appearance they looked to be identical twins. “Look I told you to forget it. This base is completely invisible on any kind of map. The only way to find it is by visual, and even that would be more than hard to see in a forest. We have no more to worry about ninjas than we do with the government. So when I say don’t worry, I mean it,” Garret said this without blinking, or taking his eyes off the monitor. Not totally reassured, Markus decided to drop the subject. “Better get some rest. You will be getting up pretty early in the morning, Markus,” Garret said.
“Yes, Professor Garret. I’ll leave then,” Markus said. As he turned to leave, he checked his watch, which read 9:36 pm. As Markus left the room, Garret sat there, looking at the many monitor screens. An evil grin spread across his face as he said, “Finally, when my last experiment is complete, my plans will be put into action. We’ll see what the future holds for him. Every thing depends on his actions.”

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I would appreciate any feedback, good or bad.

I don't mind people posting on this thread. I would really like some feedback on how good this story seems so far. Sorry for the triple post.

.....Edit button, Tet. Edit button. Story seems okay, could use a little depth though. Kinda short so far, y'know? Other than that, it seems decent enough.

Thank you Inso. I'm using word thankfully. Spell and grammar check helps alot. Chapter One will be a little longer I promise(took up four pages on my notebook). I am trying to work on the depth of it.

Umm, well, you did ask...

You have a couple issues with the tense changing from past to present and back again in the Explanation section. Your second sentence feels kind of awkward to me, with the "that was a little run down" phrase tacked on the end. I'd suggest you break it into two sentences. Something like, "He lived in a small town somewhere in southern California. His apartment was a little run down, but he liked it well enough." In the first sentence of the second paragraph, I'd use "there" or "the bedroom" in preference to "here," since it's just a quick run through, rather than actually experiencing the room. The computer hacker bit irks me, but I'm not sure I'd be offering useful suggestions, because I'm too familiar with the subject matter, and I don't know how much knowledge about computers you want to assume the reader has. Why is it that he daydreams about refusing to lead people? That seems like a strange thing to think about. Wouldn't it be better if he dreamed about being a great leader, while admitting to himself that he had no actual leadership qualities, and he'd naturally turn down any position of leadership?

In the prologue, feel free to explore the voices more. What makes them "evil" or "bold?" Give us some similies or metaphors to really flesh them out. In the deep voice's second line, I think you mean "possessing" rather than "requiring." This person has a unique DNA structure, they don't need one. The second repetion of "said a deep, bold voice" ought to be removed; I think it slipped in there by accident. Use "A tall, black man," and "an old man" rather than the article "the" for each of them. We haven't been introduced to these characters yet, and we don't know who is in the room, so we can't tell them from any other person with those descriptions yet. After that first instance, then you can feel free to use "the." "[F]emale ninja" also sounds a little awkward to me. You might want to just replace it with "woman," since she does get mentioned as a ninja by the black man's next line. Nice use of "sneered" there. It really conveys his contempt. When Markus rubs his head, there ought to be a space between "bald" and "head." Quibbling, I'd wonder where we suddenly learned the characters' names from, but that's a pretty minor issue. You should have a comma after "morning" in "You will be getting up pretty early in the morning Markus" and after "Yes" in "Yes Professor Garret." Also, add a comma after "watch" in "he checked his watch which read 9:36 pm."

It's a start. There's not a lot there, but you're just building the very base foundation, so it only needs to be a start. If I was going to distill my commments down to two things, they'd be this: first, watch your language use very carefully. Written work is much more strict than spoken work, so you can't necessarily trust that writing the sort of thing you'd say is correct, from a technical standpoint. But I think you'd catch most of the grevious language use issues (see the tense changes note above) if you read it out loud to yourself. Everything else is comparatively small potatoes. Second, and by far more important, feel free to explore this world you're showing us. Actually show us what you mean, don't just tell it to us. You are painting a picture with your words, making a movie with every keystroke. Detail is what makes characters and settings really "pop" and come to life. By using detail, by painting this picture, you can make the reader feel what you want them to feel. You don't to tell us that Professor Garret has an "evil" voice, we'll know. You have the ability to shape how the story is read and how it plays out through detail and word choice. Your use of "sneered" is a great example. He didn't just say the line, he sneered it. We can see how his lips contort as his breath hisses contemptuously from his mouth, the slight, horrible smile playing across his eyes. We can hear his complete disregard for humanity in his tone. All of that, just from your choice of one strong word.

:shock: Wow, thank you avwolf. I'm going to try doing this the best I can. I said this before, the satement is probably floating around somewhere on the forum, but my imagination really is limited. Every keystroke is like painting a picture. Now there is something to think about. Another flaw of mine is is that I think I'm putting too much detail into things. The explanation was a setup of sorts. I wanted the readers to know how he lived, and what he was like. Alex really doesn't want to lead at all. He knows he doesn't really have the qualities, and he thinks he would change if he ever did get be leader. It's true power can change a person from being nice to someone using that power to get what he/she wants. Anyway, thank you for pointing out my short comings. I need a better dictionary than the one in my head. I'll edit the parts that need editing.

Triple posting isn't a crime if it's your story thread. Nice start. Not the best use of the language I've ever seen, but you're doing pretty darn well. The story does seems a little generic, though. I agree with Av on the hacker issue, but I also want to point out that you should consider how much cliché you want to bring into your plot. Cliché isn't a unnecessarily a bad thing, but you need to learn how to twist the cliché in order to bring about a much more 3-dimensional character.

Grammar, spelling and tense-wise, Avwolf's already said everything I would have mentioned, plus more.

I think you're being too hard on yourself. You've got the imagination, or you wouldn't have started this story, it wouldn't be there to tell, and you sure as heck wouldn't have started to tell it to us. Your problem isn't a limitation of imagination, it's simply that you're inexperienced in showing us what you see. You grasp at the easy adjectives, the broad strokes, because you don't have the experience and the confidence to explain why those adjectives fit, and do so in a way that's not an explanation so much as it is a demonstration. Like I said, it's a start. Everyone starts somewhere, and this is a good start.

I'm sorry for not being able to put chapter one yet. It's extremely hard to focus on putting what I have on paper down onto Microsoft Word. I think I might have it up either later today or maybe on a different day. Again I'm sorry for the lateness.

Well here it is. Chapter one. Hope someone likes it. All feed back is welcome on this thread.

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Chapter One: Abduction


It was morning like any other. Clear blue skies shined down upon the small town. The town was already full of energy, people moving to get their chores and errands done. The only person not seen moving was Alex. He was still asleep on his couch in his boxer shorts. The days were growing hotter as the month wore on. His clock read 10:21 when a knock was heard at his door. He grunted sleepily when he heard the third knock. “Alex, I know you’re in there,” spoke the apartment manager. Alex pretended to be asleep. “Alex, your late on your rent. If you don’t pay up by the end of the day, I’ll have to evict you,” as he said this, the manager walked away to return to the front counter. Alex was wide awake now, though he didn’t move. He had let out a big yawn when he heard another knock on his door. Not bothering to put on pants, he got up and walked to the door.

With the chain lock in place, he opened the door at a length, and peered through the opening. There stood two men in black suits: a tall, bald, black man carrying a silver briefcase, and a shorter, balding, white man. “Who are you supposed to be? The Men in Black?” he said before he could stop himself.
“Yes we are. Will you let us in please?” said the balding man. Alex couldn’t tell if he was being serious or sarcastic.
“Sorry, I can’t. I’m gonna be busy all day,” he lied.
“We won’t take up much of your time,” said the black man. Alex took a few seconds to decide, but thought it best to listen to what they wanted. He shut the door to unlatch the lock, and opened the door to let them in. The two men stepped into the small room and looked around, not really taken aback by the rooms’ appearance. Apparently, hey had seen worse.

Without being asked, they both sat down, and introduced themselves; the white mans name was Lucas, and the black mans name being Markus. “Can I get either of you a soda?” Alex asked.
“No, thanks,” replied Lucas. Markus remained silent, holding up his hand to signal no. Alex strode to the fridge to grab a can for himself. As he opened the can and drank, he eyed his two guests. ’These two should be thirsty in this heat,’ he thought to himself. He finished the drink, and threw into a trashcan hanging on the inside of a cupboard. He then rolled a computer chair to the other side of the coffee table to sit in front of the couch, and his visitors. Alex spoke as he sat informally, “So, what you here for?”
“Well, we’re here because our boss has a proposition for you Mister – uh,” Lucas said.
“Alex. Just call me Alex.”
“Alex. He’ll reward you handsomely if you accept.”
“What’s his problem? Something wrong with his computer?”
“Not exactly,” Lucas responded, sounding a bit troubled.

At this, Markus cleared a place a space on the coffee table, and set the briefcase down, facing Alex. As he unlatched the briefcase, Lucas continued, “Our boss, Professor Garret, would like to speak with you further on this subject.” Markus opened the briefcase, revealing a thin laptop unfolding as it opened. The screen flickered to life, and video window showed an old man standing in front of an electronic desk that faced a bunch of blank monitor screens. The old man had pure white hair with a bald top. He had pure blue eyes, though anyone with enough sense would see the evil glare behind them. His nose looked to be broken once before. He was wearing a lab coat over an ordinary blue shirt and jeans. One look at him was all it took for Alex to instantly be creeped out.

“Good morning,” the old man said with a sort of deep wheezy voice, “My name is Garret Brockovitch, though my associates refer to me as Professor Garret.”
“Good morning,” Alex replied.
“Well, you must know a bit of my proposition?”
“Not really.”
“Hm, very well. I’m willing to pay a hundred thousand dollars wi-“
I’m not accepting any deals without knowing the conditions,” Alex said, cutting the professor off.
“Very well,” Garret said, “Fifty thousand it is. The condition is very simple really. I would like to study your body. You see, through some of my connections, and by sheer luck I came across your DNA.”
“Ok, what about it?” Alex asked, sounding a little curious.
“Your DNA is more unique than realize. The chromosome in your DNA is special. It’s different than an ordinary humans,” Garret said.

“I’m still not following. What are you planning to use my DNA for IF I let you study my body?” Alex asked, putting emphasis on if. Before the professor answered, a glint showed in his eyes. Alex pretended not to see this.
“Why, I’m going to use your DNA to help people all over the world,” the professor said, “I’ll use it to find a cure for cancer, a cure for diabetes. You have no idea how special your DNA really is.” When Professor Garret finished, Alex thought over everything he heard. It was obvious to him the professor had lied. No one persons DNA is special enough to cure both cancer and diabetes, let alone of them. ’What is this old man really after,’ he thought. Alex kept stalling for time to think by pointing out some of the more things he liked as he tried to figure out what the professor wanted. All he needed was a clue. He couldn’t have asked for a better clue than the one that followed. After a half hour of Alex droning on about random subjects, Garret began to tire of standing, and listening without receiving an answer. He made to sit down in a chair behind him, and accidentally pressed a button, turning on one of the monitor screens behind him. He immediately pressed the same button, and the monitor screen screen went off.

’What was that’ Alex thought. Even if it was for a brief second, he had caught a glimpse of a creature on the screen before it went off. What really caught his attention was the long, silvery, flowing hair it had. Whatever the reason Garret wanted his DNA for he knew it wasn’t to cure cancer or diabetes. He knew that bit was a lie. He took a deep breath, and said, “I’m sorry, but I’m gonna have to decline your offer. Now if you will excuse me, I have to get dressed. I have something important to do.” Alex made to stand when Garret said, “Very well. I’m sorry too.” Alex froze, still standing beside the computer chair. Markus and Lucas were both on their feet now, and rounded the table to stand at either side of Alex. “Do it,” Garret ordered. At this, Markus turned Alex toward him, and kneed him in the stomach. Having his breath knocked out of him, Alex staggered, trying to stay on his feet when a force hit him hard on the back of his head. He fell forward as everything around him turned black.

Cliffhangerey....... Me likey, moar!!!

Yep, write more.

Oh my goodnes. Thanks to the support I recieved, I was actually able to think about how the second chapter would go. Thank you everyone. Please enjoy this chapter. If I need to put anything down that I missed please let me know.

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Chapter Two: A Painful Transformation


Alex felt pain on the back of his head as he came to. He also felt submerged, as if was taking a vertical bath, and breathing under the surface. From what he could tell there was a breathing mask covering his mouth and nose. He slowly opened his eyes, the water stinging them as he opened them. When his eyes were open and focused, he saw he was in a tank filled with light green colored water. He saw a large rectangular mirror, through the glass window, and saw himself naked in its reflection. “What the hell?” Alex said. He tried to move, but something was holding his arms and legs in place. He looked down and saw metal braces covering his wrists and ankles.
“Ah, you’re awake,” said a familiar voice, “I do hope you’re enjoying the your accommodations.”
“Actually I have a few complaints about being naked,” Alex said.
“Well that’s too bad,” said Garret, “You will have to get used to it. You’re going to be here before and after the procedure.”

Alex didn’t like the sound of what Garret said. “What procedure? What’s going on?” he asked cautiously.
“All in due time, Alex. For now just relax. Tell me, how does the water feel?”
“It feels weird. What is this water anyway?” Alex asked, Just realizing that he felt strange. The water felt more soothing to him than regular water did.
“It’s my own creation. It’s special water that heals any wound or injury. Please don’t struggle? Your human strength won’t be enough to break those braces.” Alex had been struggling to free his right hand, but to no avail. How long was he going to be kept prisoner? From what he understood, it seemed he would be here for the rest of his life. And what was this procedure Garret mentioned. Alex wanted to know what he meant, but he had a feeling that it had something to do with that he saw earlier.


“What time is it?” Garret asked.
“It’s 5:42 professor,” Markus replied.
“Hm, I guess we will start the process at 12. Until th-“
“I need to know something!?” Alex shouted. Silence fell upon them. It felt like an eternity passed by to Alex as he waited for Garret to answer him. Just then, when he thought the had left, Garret spoke, “You really want to know what’s going to happen, don’t you?” It wasn’t the question Alex was going to ask, but he stayed silent, letting Garret continue. “Very well,” Garret said, “Look up.” Alex did so, and saw two mechanical arms. The one on his right held a syringe filled with a thick blue liquid, and the other held an empty syringe. “You will be injected with that transforming chemical. You will be transformed into a new species.”
“That’s insane. What reason could you possibly have that could let you do something like this?” Alex asked angrily. He new it wasn’t the right question to ask, but his anger clouded his judgment.
“Reason?” Garret said, his wheezy voice sounding clearer, “There is no reason. I’m a ‘mad’ scientist. What do you expect?”


Suddenly, the arm holding the empty syringe sprung to life, and stuck the needle into Alex’s arm. He felt a sharp pain as the needle entered, and drew about a pint of his blood out. The arm returned to its position with the needle full of Alex’s blood, and disappeared behind a little door that opened on the ceiling of the tank. “I’ll be taking a sample of your blood. I need to do research on it.” Garret said. Alex slightly heard a door open and closed from behind the mirror-window. Exactly how long he was going to be alone, he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he had plenty of time to think about a way out of this predicament.

6 hours later.

Alex was still strapped to tank, unable to break free of the braces holding his arms and legs down. He heard the door open from behind the mirror-window again. “Well, it seems you didn’t do what I asked you to. Kept on struggling against the braces, and tried countless times to escape. Now it seems like I need to give you the choice. Which do you prefer Alex, being knocked out while the transformation, or staying awake through the whole thing? I should mention this is an accelerated process, so you will feel antagonizing pain.” Garret said. Alex thought this over, and then struggled harder against the braces holding him down. Garret sighed, and then said, “It seems you won’t cooperate. Very well, begin the procedure.” The mechanical that disappeared behind the door reappeared, but it wasn’t holding the syringe filled with his now. Instead, it held him down to keep him from moving. The other arm started moving now. The needle punctured his right shoulder, and injected the blue liquid into his blood stream. It was too late now. He was going to change forever.


One minute went by since the injection entered him. He starting to sweat, or at least he felt like he sweating. The green water washed away whatever sweat came out of his pores. Another minute went by, and nothing happened yet. Alex started hoping this was just some bad dream, and that he was having trouble waking up. It felt like nightmare come real to him. Two more minutes went by, and still nothing. He started relaxing for no reason now. He started thinking that maybe the injection was a dud. Almost five minutes since the injection, and still nothing. He wasn’t sure what to think. Maybe he wasn’t going to change after all, and that this was just some bad joke made up by some stranger. Exactly five minutes since the injection was when it hit. Searing pain rushed through his body like wildfire. His back arched forward, and he began screaming at the top of his lungs. Nothing seemed to happen for the first minute. Then little hairs started sprouting out his skin. His finger started elongating themselves, and claws started to form where his fingernails were. His belly started getting slimmer as white hair grew over it. The muscles in his arms looked like they getting slimmer also, but the strength in them intensified. His feet grew out skinny as orange and black hair covered them. Black pads formed under his forefeet. His tail bone grew out more bones, forming a tail of skin, soon covered with orange and black hair. The nose, mouth, and chin of his face jutted out to look like a muzzle. Orange and black grew over his face and body, but the hair on his head stayed. The fur now stopped growing on his skin, and more of his bones felt like they kept jumping around. He panted hard for air. The pain seemed to ease itself away now, disappearing a little bit at a time. Orange and black fur covered his entire body now. He tried the best he could to stay awake, but his efforts went unrewarded as he slipped into unconsciousness again.


Markus had been watching the transformation Alex went through the whole time. Hearing Alex’s screams made him want to look away, but he kept staring at the transformation process just as he had done so many times before. “Well, there doesn’t seem to be much in this one,” Garret said, “Looks like nothing more than a painful transformation.” Garret had almost turned away when something interesting caught his eye made him keep looking. Slowly, the orange fur that grew from Alex’s body started to turn white. “Well, well, well. Looks like something happened after all,” Garret said, sounding elated.
“Why do you think that happened, professor?” Markus asked out of curiosity.
“I’m not sure, but it certainly is an astounding development. Come, let’s leave him to his rest,” Garret ordered, already out of the sliding door.
“Yes, sir,” Markus replied. He followed the old man out of the room. They walked along the hallways of the large base. Garret turned to a sliding door, and stepped inside the control room. There was a new screen displaying Alex inside his tank tube. He was still unconscious. “Too many things need to be done now. I need to hurry with the orders to the rest of the base.” He pressed a button on the desk, and a loud screech could be heard form an intercom. “Attention! All personnel must proceed to their rooms on the second floor. Repeat, all personnel proceed to your rooms.” He released the button, and spoke to Markus, “You know the next step, right?”
“Yes, of course, but I don’t see the what good could possibly come from this.” Markus replied.
“Doesn’t matter. So long as everything goes according to plan, then I don’t care. Just do it.” Markus took a moment to think about what he was going to do, then said, “Very well, professor. I shall follow through with this plan.”
“Good, then leave me.”

End of Chapter.

I may not always post, so I'll let you know that you've got my attention for now. I like your dialogue. It feels natural without being too much of an overkill. Just brush up on your narrating skills and you'll have a winner on your hands.

Alex is gonna go on a rampage now, I can feel it.