Twokinds ARCHIVE Forums

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2549476/1 ... ll_for_you I did.

High above hill and hole
Water breaks and waves roll
A toss, a turn, a bevy of quake
And all around I feel the world shake

Forces clash, winds collide
Turning and burning and bearing wide
A crash, a flash, a flurry of bane
And all around I feel the strain

Insomuch as this the world,
so my thought and every word
clash and fire, fight and flame
every word wrought full in pain

And in this so surreptitious state
I try and try to turn the gate
to loose the tide and let the words
flow and ebb like and unto yours

But I am tied, and in mind bound
for in truth and truthful sound
I am guarded through and through
bound for all and all for you.

=O
I lurvs it!

Thanks. ^_^ It was kind of a whimsical idea. It started out as a romantic sort of thing, but it turned into a commentary on my social skills. Yay emo! xD

I was surprised about halfway through when the tone shifted, but it didn't really bother me.

Really nice!! Definately romantic undertones, though. Didn't think anything about social skills until I read your reply. That's the beauty of poetry though, eh? Good job! :D

Pretty good, there! It gravitates around the elements almost throughout the entire poem, which is always good if you're trying for something pastoral or personal.

I would work on imagery just a tad more, though, if your goal was to give us a physical scene to look at. It's a lot harder to write without giving the audience something to hang onto. If you can focus all of that poetry on one image that each detail latches onto, you could have something really cool going on here.

The quick tempo was a neat touch, though I wonder what it would sound like if this flowed as if it were being spoken out of conversation?

But hey, it's pretty good for what it is, ^^

Thanks for the input. ^_^I wasn't trying to paint a full image as I was just presenting a set of conditions that were used adjectively later on.

(Woo, I found a use for the word adjectively!)