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Approx. what age is right to have kids?
18-20 2%  2%  [ 1 ]
21-25 67%  67%  [ 23 ]
26+ 29%  29%  [ 10 ]
Total votes : 34
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 Post subject: Young Mothers
PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 2:32 pm 
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Grand Templar
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I don't mean to offend anyone by this just hear me out. If you're a young mother, then I hope you really love your child and are doing well ^^ I know a young mother and she's great with her son :3

I do understand that sometimes you just can't control what happens in your life, but my question is honestly this.

At approx. what age do you think it is appropriate for a woman to have a child?

I'm seeing all these 18-20 year olds come in here with children that are at least 2-3 years old...

I'm 19, and I don't know if it's just me or not, but I don't feel right seeing all these people, my age, having children. I don't know if it's just that I have an old fashion mind or.. I'm not sure. It just doesn't seem right to me.

I have a God-Son, that I take care of and visit several times a week and care for as if he were my own. Sure he's a pain in the arse sometimes, but I love him all the same. Now I'm not saying I'm ready for kids, because I really do think I have some more maturing to do, but 18-20 seems so young to me...

Well, what do you guys think? Am I being immature, or do I actually have something going here?

*looks at the voters, then at the posters* Hmn...


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 3:43 pm 
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Templar Inner Circle
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You can find historical precedence for even thirteen year olds as acceptable ages for mothers, but my reasoning is based off biology.

The human body is not done maturing until around age 21. If you have children before then, nutrients needed for your body will be diverted to the baby, and even so, there may not be enough for the youngster to grow properly.

This could evidence any number of ways: allergies, sickly immune system, bones that break easily.

case in point: my aunt started having children before she was eighteen. My mother waited until she was twenty. I have yet to suffer a broken bone, and I've fallen down creekbanks and tumbled off galloping horses. My cousin, two years younger than I, has already suffered multiple fractured limbs, and one of those was by falling on carpeted floor!

another from personal experience: my sister and I. She had her children young, they stay sick from colds and whatnot. I waited, and my three are rarely ill.

Then there's a maturity factor. I know that different people are ready for the kind of responsibility a child brings at different ages, I wont' deny that. HOWEVER, there is also a general trend for teenagers to NOT be ready yet. This many young people having children leads to a statistical probability that a goodly number aren't really ready yet, and that is going to hurt both the parent and the child at some point.

Probability also indicates that the irresponsible behavior typical of teenagedom is directly responsible for said teen being a parent in the first place.

These are my thoughts/observations on the situation.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 3:50 pm 
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Grand Templar
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Perfect.

Because I was just thinking the same thing. The worst that has happened to me is that I dislocated my knee twice. My Mother waited. And I've seen other people my age who's parent's didn't wait and get sick a LOT. Maybe it's just chance. Who knows.

Like I stated orginally, I'm not saying I'm not mature enough or ready to have kids, I mean if I did I'd probably be capable of taking care of them. But I'd just like to wait ya know? Financially, I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I have friends who graduated 1-2 years ago, and they already are married and have kids. It just doesn't compute in my head how they can do it.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 4:46 pm 
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I voted 26+. I hope to be in my early thirties before I have my first child. I hope to have a wife of close to or the same age as myself. I hope I will be able to commit to this plan. Although, I don't intend to stay a virgin the whole time...But, I know how to do things safely, and will certainly take every precaution. No alcohol, no drugs/cigs, good daily habbits, etc. That said, 26+


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 4:54 pm 
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Annnd here comes the other extreme: waiting too long. There's health hazards there, too. The most famous being an increased chjance of down syndrome.

At a certain point, the body becomes less resilient, and inefficient at nutrient transport (meaning more stress on the body, less healthy baby.)

While one might want to wait, one does not want to wait too long.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 4:54 pm 
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I guess I lack the drive for children everyone else has, because though I like children well enough, and the thought of raising a boy (if ever I adopted a child, I'd likely adopt a boy) once he's already into his teens sounds fine, I don't have the interest in having to take care of a child during the pre-10 years. Plus, I'd like to focus my life on my partner and I. Children are a life-long commitment I don't think I may ever be ready for.

At any rate, I'd say a good age is somewhere around 20 or above.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 5:57 pm 
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Templar GrandMaster
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I don't really think there's a right age to have kids, but for the vote, I put 26+. Here's my reasoning (and keep in mind, not being a parent, that this isn't from experience, just an opinion) -

Once you become a parent, your whole world changes. You're no longer whoever you used to be, your main job isn't what it used to be, you can't just do whatever you want to anymore. From the moment that kid pops out, your new title is Parent, your new main job is Parent, and whatever you want to do must always take into consideration your children beforehand.

So it's my opinion that you should only have kids after you've done and experienced most things in life you can only do while not a parent. You can't go backpacking through Europe for half a year with an infant back at home, so you should do stuff like that before you have the kid, not after. Unless you want to wait until the kid leaves the house and you've finished the job, but depending on the number of kids you have and their situation, that could be over two decades of waiting...

My answer of 26+ is the guesstimate of how long it would take a normal person to achieve most or all of the things they want to do in life that they cant do as a parent. I'm not saying there's not plenty of things parents can do together with their kids mind you, I'm just saying there are a lot of things people *can't* do with their kids, so either get those things out of the way first...or wait until retirement.

*Edit* And don't anybody think I came up with this theory because I plan on having kids (I like keeping my money to myself, tyvm). I've just had this belief for years, is all.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 6:17 pm 
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Oh, backpacking is out...until they're old enough to leave with the gramps for a week :D

Yes, Grandparents: every sane parent's refuge. The kids are thinking *they* are getting a treat, the gramps think they're getting a treat, and parents get a retreat! hehehe.

So, don't think your romantic life is over, or postponed indefinitely. Just put on simmer while you experience everything else that comes with parenthood. :D


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 6:24 pm 
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I kinda agree with Graham. I wanna be able to backpack across Europe with my mate or have spontaneous romantic evenings or such without all that worry. I'll never say never, but it's not likely. Ask me in five or ten years.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 6:52 pm 
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Templar GrandMaster
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One should be physically, emotionally, and financially mature before having a baby.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 7:29 pm 
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Templar GrandMaster
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90% of the people I see of the younger generations who have had babies might WANT a baby but are in no way else prepared for one... in a lot of cases they either did something stupid or think a child will give them unconditional love


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 7:30 pm 
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Erm, the finacial part is subjective. My youngest sister is married, has a stable income, but is still waiting to be "financially seure" whereas I'm still in a masters program, essentially living off student loans and grants.

My mom in law put it this way: If you wait to have enough money, then you'll be waiting forever."


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 7:45 pm 
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It's all subjective. :P That said, when I was in school, I made the decision that I wouldn't start a family (even had the opportunity presented itself) until I had a way to support them -- I might have been living quite comfortably off of my school money, but I didn't want that for a wife and kid(s). I'm a traditionalist. I see my role as providing for my family, and I didn't feel that I would be able to do that without a full time job. I really wouldn't have a problem if she was still in school, though admittedly, I'd be more secure if she were in your position, Wynni, persuing a Master's (or a Doctorate), rather than chasing her first Bachelor's.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 10:08 pm 
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phzzz! 30+ for sure, let the 20tee's have some fun and not have kids! lifes to short to change dipers >.<


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 11:32 pm 
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Grand Templar
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I'm glad to see I'm not the only sane one. I asked this to someone else and they told me they'd have kids when they darn well want to. Well, I said, "You're 18." and she said, "So?"

*shrugs*

avwolf, what you said about waiting to be able to support them, sounds like my boyfriend....









It's creepy... even though I highly agree.


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