Twokinds ARCHIVE Forums

Although you guys can make suggestions at any time, I'll put in a few more in the meantime. ~_^ This is really just a place I can get feedback from. Here's a new one: Should the remake of the first chapter be identical to the first chapter of the original, with updated art? Or should there be some changes, such as the way Trace wakes up or encounters Flora? Or how he interacts with Flora?

hmm, the start is a bit weird now that I think of it, I suggest change how he interacts with flora a bit, and update the art...
maybe something that hints what floras name is or somthin...
The starts good, but yes, it does need to have a few tweeks...

I would hope that it would be identical, but just colored and a bit more detail to the drawings :)

I agree

I think, you can change pages with Sythe. He is too... savage. In late pages Keidran are more "modern" (bad word...)

I think the first chapter should be revised, primarily because Flora whimpers in a corner here...

Then gets ready to tear Trace apart like a giant ball of yarn here.

I definatley think it should stay relativley the same. Flora's character is defined in the first part of the book and, well... I think that's how she'd react to a templar anyways. Flora's dynamicity (new word i vote, ignore spelling i just woke up...) is great in Ch 1. If you do change anything, i'd suggest more pouncing :P.

/vote keep the same. <-- more colour tho!

I'd say, color it, but leave the story the same. And I wouldn't object to more pouncing, either. :)

I would leave as is.

I third the pouncing movement. But leave the story, it rulz.

Maybe she's just Pmsing?

ANywho, me thinks really all you should do is color it and update the art.
-wiggles a finger- But leave the story line alone! :O It's funny enough!

The only thing I would change is that in the begining, the guy who's going to kill Flora (neutral) doesn't recognize that it's Trace, but later he says that he had planned it all out.

Maybe it's just me, but wouldn't he know Trace was coming if he had planned it out? I think he should show more vebal surprise, but be thinking something more sinister. For example, neutral thinks:

"Who the hell does this guy think he is? Wait...he looks like..."

That implies he/she/it doesn't realize Trace is coming, which contradicts the fact that he/she/it had this all planned out. Maybe having neutral think something like:

"Ah, good. Trace is right on time." or something like that, implying this is all expected, would work better.

It takes away from the comic-to-comic suspense, but adds to the overall suspense in the book.

I think this will be applicable in many comics, especially those which build on suspense between updates. You may want to change some of them to reflect their suspense over longer periods of time.

He was sopposed to be like that. he didnt want trace to get any idea's. He knew he was Trace and he was acting.

i think you need to develop the intro relationship more, and delve more into how trace got where he was. :D

Fine change it if you want but leave the story line alone.