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That is the funniest thing I've heard in ages.

Vector to default target is: 6.7 hexes and 19 degrees mark 0.
[A:180] <Condor/Pyke> ***ENEMY*** : [KZ]B NHC Perseus x: 227 y: 239 z: 0 r: 6.6 b: 19 s: 12 h: 240 S: LOS maintained
[A:124] <Dup|AV1> damage report pyke?
NHC Perseus [KZ] has fired a LRM-20 at you!
You have been hit for 5 points of damage in the Aft Side
CRITICAL HIT!!
Your motive system is destroyed! Your hovercraft can nolonger move!
You have been hit for 5 points of damage in the Aft Side
WARNING: AS Armor low.
CRITICAL HIT!!
Your destroyed motive system takes another hit!
You have been hit for 2 points of damage in the Aft Side
[A:180] <Condor/Pyke> You just HAD to ask, didn't you?
NHC Persesus has fired a UltraAC/10 at you!
You have been hit for 10 points of damage in the Aft Side
Your Aft Side has been destroyed!
You have been destroyed!

So, the most entertaining tabletop character I've played was in one of the many 'homegrown' systems my friends and I used to throw together back in high school.

This particular character ended up entertaining through a matter of necessity. The guys I'd game with regularly had our sessions during our lunch breaks (and the free period we all had just before or after). However, thanks to the way our schedules worked out, one other guy and myself were unable to make it to all of the sessions. Rather than allow Matt (our sadistic GM) to have control over our characters on off-days, we decided to make a joint character - one body, two souls. At the end of every session, the character would black out and wake up as the other personality when the next session started. Since our sessions were based on a fixed time limit (class bell), this often resulted in switching at fairly inconvenient times. To make it worse, our GM only allowed the character on the condition that the dormant soul is completely ignorant of what is happening while the other soul is active.

So, a little description of the characters: Jer (played by my friend Adam) was your standard "Honorable Warrior" type - Brave, upstanding, stiff as a board, and attempting to prove himself worthy of becoming a Paladin before the mishap that led to our situation. Then there was Rekiara (played by me, duh!) a classic "Robin Hood" type - Steal from the rich, give to the poor, good with a bow (and liked to show it off).

So, one afternoon we're starting up.

GM: "Ok. His sword drawn, Jer looks back at Sol, Larissa and Marlo. 'Get out of here! Her highness needs that crystal as proof of her bid. I'll hold this off as long as I ca--' His voice cut of abruptly and his eyes glazed over. Rekiara, as you come to you see Lar, Mar and Sol, who is holding a softly glowing crystal that matches exactly the description you've been given of the Gem of Ascension. They all appear to be staring at, or past, you."

Me: "'Nice! We got the gem! This ought to earn us a pretty penny. Ummm... what's everyone looking at?' I glance back over my shoulder"

GM: "Roll a willpower check."

1 - critical fail.

GM: "Glancing over your shoulder, you see what appears to be a wall of silver plates. As your eyes move upwards the wall narrows into the neck, head and very recognizable jaws of a matured silver drake. A very angry silver drake. On seeing it you immediately panic - roll a panic check"

1 - another crit fail.

GM: "Gripped by terror, you let out a scream that sounds eerily reminiscent of a young farm girl who just came across a wolf in her field. At the same time, you hurl the sword in your hand in the general direction of the drake, pivot and start running as hard as you can towards the opening of the cave."

Me: "Do I get to roll a hit check?"

GM: "Uhh, ok. Sure, no mods allowed, check against 19."

20 - Natural crit

GM:"Reroll for a crit check."

20 - Natural crit

GM: "Ooohh kaaay.. um, damage check? 2d6"

6, 6 - Max Damage Roll.

GM: "Uhh damn. Sol, Larissa and Marlo, after seeing the looks on your faces, Rekiara glances over his shoulder. On seeing the drake he screams, throws his sword and starts running. Spinning end over end towards the drake, his sword rapidly closes the distance. Seeing it, the drake swipes out one of his claws to deflect the incoming projectile. The edge of the blade just manages to cut its way into the soft flesh where claw meets scale, causing the drake to roar out in pain. With a shake of its claw, the drake dislodges the sword - sending it flying straight up. As the drake turned its now furious gaze back to Rekiara, the sword ricocheted off the ceiling and landed point first in the drakes eye. Its momentum carries it deep into the drakes skull, into the beast's brain. With a final bellow and a huge crash, the drake fell to the ground, dead."

XP and silver scales are quickly divided amongst the party

Me:"'So, guys... umm after I find a change of pants, maybe you wanna fill me in on why I was standing in front of a drake with my sword out? Or rather, maybe you wanna explain why you'd let Jer do something that STUPID with MY BODY!?!'"

((Under the system we were using, if you hit 20 / 20 / Max Damage, it was an auto-kill))

This is an excerpt from a D&D session I was in. The party consisted of an elf cleric of a nature deity, a halfling cleric of a luck goddess (me), a fighter with a singing sword, and a barbarian. The halfling was girded in unremovable cursed full plate that could create any piece of bodily equiptment I wished for, and had a cursed dagger that could become any item I wished for. Of course, the DM used these to cause no end of havoc (be careful what you wish for and all) but eventually...

GM: (to me) Okay, you have stuck your (cursed) dagger in the roof of this dragon's mouth. What are you doing?

Me: Wish for the dagger to become a greatsword!

Fighter: :P I think he figured it out!

GM: Okay, the dagger changes, impaling the dragon's brain and killing it. It is now gliding uncontrolled toward a mountain. What are you doing?

Me: PURPLE EARS!!!! (Yelling this during a game has always led to trouble and hilarity for us)

Other players: :shock:

Cleric: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

GM: :twisted: (to me) You are now standing outside the dragon's jaws and Purple Ears (an godly-powerful faerie dragon) is present and is looking very ticked off. "You better have a very good reason for summoning me, halfling." By the way, the dragon's acidic drool has destroyed the armor you were wearing (Yes, some dragons breathe acidic slime instead of fire).

Me: "Well, I was going to die in a dead dragon's jaws if I didn't call you."

GM: "You interrupted a visit to a dryad friend of mine."

Me: Sorry. (Interrupting one of Purple Ears's visits with a female friend is the worst possible thing to do in this GM's games)

Long story short, Purple Ears punished my halfling by chanfing him into a miniature dragon. But, on the upside, the cursed dagger and armor were destroyed and he didn't die, so it wasn't all bad.

In this one D&D session i was playing a Halfling Rogue, I could either doge or resist any trap that came at me. Not to mention I took the greedy trait flaw in order to get acute senses. I could spot any trap, but the same couldnt be said about the rest of the party. Situation, we were in a evil sorcerer's lair going to kill him.

GM: This hallway is covered in gold from top to bottem with a sign saying "TO VAULT" then sayinh to me, your trap sense goes off.

Me: damn, rolls to find traps ,5 well 5+36= 41

GM: *Facepalm* you figure out that stepping on tiles in this hall will set off lv 15 fireball spells

ME: I dont tell the party,

Everyone else: :shock:

ME: I run down the hallway as fast as I can. I had the run feat

GM: You manage to set off 4 of the fireballs roll refelx

ME: rolls 20 20+15=35

GM: *Facepalm* Why do i bother asking? You flip up and around the fire balls leaping off walls like Jet-li and make it to the vault

ME: Ill yell to the rest of the party, "I set off the traps its safe", i ask the gm "Those traps reset dont they?"

GM: *Nods*

Everyone else: :shock:

GM: well you guys cant tell hes lying from that distance so

Everyone else: *Walked down the hallway, much cursing and death followed*

ME: Ill open the the vault, and plunder it of all its contents

GM: *facepalm again!*

ME: and afterward, loot my friends dead bodies of cash.

Fighter: Im not dead yet, I have 2 hp left.

ME: jumps on last tile in hall

Fighter: O you little piece of! *Dies in fiery explosion*

ME: Now ill return to town res my 'Freinds' and send all the loot i got from the vault to the bank.

ME Later: Welcome back guys, sorry about the traps.

The whole party had to act like it was an accident, except for the fighter, who we called paranoid Phil from then on, and then we killed the evil sorcerer, much fun was had.

That weretiger name wouldn't perhaps be tigger would it?

I always try to pull that kind fo stuff, only one person in the group gets it most of the time. :E

This is a really good one, I was playing in a group that allowed you to test out classes you made up. My was the unorthodox master, he can use anything as a weapon, just not how you usually do. Like he'll throw a sword instead of swinging it around, or beat you with a bow rather then shoot arrows with it.
Its mid battle and my guy has just run out of things to use as weapons, a very rare occasion for him.

Me looking for something to use: "Lets see, I killed the first four with a pot, the other one with a shard of glass, that one guy with his own helmet. What do I have left?"

DM: O, nothing

Me: "nuts, o wait" looking down at boots, "Hmmm, Ill take off my boot and throw it at the bugbear while yelling at it"

DM: :? "Um ok"

Me: "its a personal item so that adds an exta 2d6+12 to the damage unless he saves vs. boot to the head."

DM: *sigh*, rolls a 1, *sighs again*

Me: "o yah! Boot to the head!"

DM: "the boot becomes lodged in his eye somehow causing his brain to explode out the side of his head. Now you are missing one boot"

Me: "Sweet, ill get my boot back"

DM: Rolls "Spend the next 3 rounds prying the boot from the guys skull.

Me: "You just had to ruin my fun didn't you?"

DM: *Shrugging* "Meh"

and yes I did this before I even herd of the Boot to the head skit.

Sadly I am the only RP nerd in my area, so I have to go to the internet for RP opportunities. One time on another website I was in a group with a fighter-type person, a mage-type person, and a theif-type person (I was another fighter). At one point we were attacked by some very small imps who ate all of our food. Angered at this, the fighter starts running around eating the imps, anyway here's what happened:

Mage: wait... isn't he a vegetarian?

Fighter: "GET IN MY BELLY!"

"Me: nope.

Some of my favourite moments have been from my J-PARANOIA games. I have a couple that really stick out in my mind, too;

Scene #1; our party of six needs to get on top of the complex. We have to leave via a Vulturecraft (fighter aircraft) hangars... whilst there are Vulturecraft taking off and landing. We are coincidentially roped together. My character is a pyrokinetic with a flamethrower, but that doesn't figure into this scenario.

Anyway, we need to get out. Being the suicidally inclined genius-slash-madman that I am, I ditch the rope, grab hold of one of the wings of a departing Vulturecraft, and do what would have been an award-winning drop and roll, had there been judges. One clone recieved a buzzcut and another got flattened. Go us. We then proceeded to blow each other up, set each other on fire, and even blow each other's legs off, before finally reaching our destination. Man that was quite an adventure.

--

Scene #2; our party is tasked with escorting a petbot (a robot pet, of course) but I have conflicting orders from my secret society. Not only that, but I must get a good story by the end of the day (my character was a news reporter) and pin the blame of the petbot's destruction on another party member. It would take a lot of luck and skill to pull it off...

So I did. I don't remember much, but I recall that we were held up by some security robots. During an ensuing firefight (which I was filming) the petbot was destroyed and my target for framing provided an excellent opportunity for me to do so. I slipped off before the end of the mission. Just as everyone realized I had vanished when they got to the debriefing, the debriefing officer turned on the news. Guess who got to present that incident to pin the blame on someone? :)

There was this one time on another forum, another RP sect...

You go into the room and roll a 2, Unfortunately, you walked in on a couple making love, (which turned out to be two guys cybering....ew.)
They throw the nearby bedside lamp and roll a 4, it clobbers you in the head, and you get brain surgery, roll a 1, you die. Bye bye. re-roll.

that was my worst RP experience. ever.

that...was disturbing.

I went to a fourth edition demo once.

Me: alright, and I hit him with sly flourish and flanking, +10 to hit *rolls*
GM: natural twenty. What's your max damage?
Me:"uh...*starts adding* 27."
GM: "he dies."
Fighter: "How old is your character? I want to buy him a beer when we get back to town."

So my friend started running an All Flesh Must Be Eaten campaign. His younger brother is playing some crazy character who has the reckless drawback. After lighting a car on fire at a mostly deserted airport, we were back at a repair garage. The police show up and have building surrounded us. In desperation he drove a broken car out and tossed an incendiary grenade out the window. However he screwed the roll pretty bad and practically dropped it out the window. The ensuing flames caught him and the patrol on fire. Then he realized he had more of the grenades on his person. He dives out of the car and threw the belt of grenades away. The next round they detonate in a ridiculous path. In the end he killed himself, one of our NPCs, wounded two other NPCs, one of the other PCs and all the opponents.

The next time we played he did it again with his new character, but this time on purpose. The pair of jeeps and accompanying infantry were obliterated. He survived this time though.